A PAGE FROM MY JOURNAL
When I was asked what I planned for the future,my answered varied with time a doctor,scientist,housewife......Finally I took science, with biology as my major.But I ended up as a nanny.So professionally I am a babysitter though I never took any lessons for it.Being a mother of a child was the only experience I had regarding my job.
I guess my innocent face and being a person of few words overcame my lack of knowledge and experience to gain this position.I enjoyed my work,everything was great.
It was friday,going home day.I was busy getting things ready for the weekend.Giving bath to the baby boy,I was trying to put pajamas on him who was fighting back kicking and screaming.
"Let me dress you up sweetheart".I said controlling my rage.
"Nooooooooooo,go away".He kicked me.
I held him tight,looked into his eyes.
"I don't like you,you are a bad girl".He screamed at my face.
I took a deep breath as I finally managed to slip the clothes on him.
He spit on my face and ran to his mommy who was busy preparing dinner in the kitchen.
"Oh,sweeti what is the matter."she asked hugging him.
I was in my room ready to leave.As I heard my employer screaming like insane I went in."How did he get that scratch on his neck".She asked me.
As I had no idea I said to her "I am sorry,I don't know".
"What do you mean you don't know,you were with the baby the whole day".
The way she spoke to me riped me apart.All the hard work was worth nothing due to that stupid scratch.
Yet,I pulled myself together.Things were ok.One beautiful tuesday afternoon the baby boy was having a playdate.Everyone was happy and having fun.The boys were playing,mommies were talking.It was a fun place.But that didn't last long.My employer gave her child a piece of gum and he put it in his mouth.She blamed me for that.
"He can play with the gum but he cannot put it in his mouth,he is just a child you are an adult,you know it better".I was confused.How could she think her child would not put the gum in his mouth if she gave it to him?????
Then thing got ugly.I wanted to leave,she decided to let me go.But I have to admit that I broke down.First she wanted me to stay till she found someone.I agreed, than she didn't want me to leave.She told me that I misunderstood her.But I wasn't buying that.Everything was clear to me.I could read her mind as she asked me to leave though she told me that her psycologist friend read my mind before.
I am still working there as I am writing this journal of mine.Nothing has changed but it has left me deeply hurt.What went wrong?I have the same love and feeling for this little boy as I have for my four year old girl living thousands of miles away from me.
After all am I a bad mommy??????
