Normal 0 false false false EN-US JA X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}             Does fate like to tell us the hard way that wanting something does not always mean getting it? It has been years and still this question echoes in his mind every once in a while. He was not claiming to be the lovelorn Romeo who would die for the one he loved. No, he knew that Romeo was a figment of someone’s imagination. Stories told by over emotional writers who did not follow their own literature. Hell, he did not even think that he was capable of thinking about her every day. Shit like that just does not happen. But there are still some nights where he likes to sit and think about what could have been. Times when a song reminds him of her, or just some random thought crosses his mind. It is then that he wonders if we are all destined to get the opposite of what we want. Or is it that we take everything for granted leading us to make the wrong choice?               He can still remember the day that he had first seen her. How could he forget? There she was, just standing there talking to someone else. She looked so professional in her attire. How could there be a way that someone like her would notice him? And she probably did not. How was he supposed to know? She just said a few words to him before she was done with work.   He did not want someone serious in his life. He was still young and wanted to have fun and just be a careless young party-going kid. But the more he knew her, the more she intrigued him. Be it with her witty comments or her playfulness, he could not get enough! They became friends and started hanging out in a group. He would give her hints about his feelings and she would smile back but there was no way to know if she understood. And one day she asked him something that he had not expected.               “Do you like me?” she asked.   He was dumbfounded! Casual smiles aside, he had never expected her to be so straightforward. He replied back, “I would be lying if I said no.”   That is how it started. He had not expected it to start the way it started but it did! She did not tell him that she liked him too but she would always go out with him when he asked. And he was smitten. Every waking moment he would think of her and when he could not stay awake, he would dream of her. He wanted her to always be by him and when she was not, he would miss her. He knew that people would laugh at his sentiment and not understand it. The only ones who understand your feelings are the ones who actually have felt this way. And he knew that not a lot of people have been blessed to ever feel this.               It wasn’t always paradise. There were times when she would act like a total psycho b!tch, but that did not make him walk away. And there were times when they were lying down and holding hands when he felt at peace. Of course the deed that preceded holding hands helped a lot! He could have jumped up with joy and declared his love to the world. Days and months passed by and he felt like she was the only thing in this world that could complete him. And of course when someone is this happy, the world has to crash down. That is the law of physics, “what goes up must come down.” She said she could not be with him because the world would not let them be. And of course by the world she meant her family. It is almost easy to forget the societal pressures of Nepal until something like this happens. Why should someone else dictate what is to be done with their feelings?               They remained friends of course. While his own negative feelings were suffocating him, he had to act like a really good friend and be there for her. At least he was able to be around her when they were “just friends.” Time heals all. If he was skeptical about that saying, he could attest the truth of those words now. It was getting more painless to be around her and he was starting to notice other things around him. He was able to party with his friends and laugh at jokes again. The hole in his heart was not noticeable anymore. And that is when the world had to tip over again. While she spent the long months being friends with him, she had fallen in love – with him. She said she would fight to be with him. What a twist in story it was.               But the space in his heart that had carried her had now been replaced with other things. Things that he had meant to experience in the first place. He wanted to go out with his friends, party till the sun came out, drink till he passed out and not care about the complications of a relationship. However, there was still this space in his heart that months of mourning had not buried. He still loved her and wanted to give it another try.               If you truly want to be in a relationship, priorities have to be straightened. You either party with your friends all night/ five nights a week, or be there for the person you love. There are times in our lives when one is more important than the other. Being at the right place at the right time can change the world! For him, being the “careless young party-going kid” took preference. It was not that he could not see the hurt in her eyes when he ditched her to go on an impromptu road trip, but what could he do? He had made her his world once before and had paid the price. The roles had now reversed. He truly did care about her and loved her, but how could he stay with her when his mind would always be wondering what his friends were up to? Did they go on that road trip? Are they staying home with the Jameson he bought? So he had to cut the cord.               She was devastated. She was torn and he hated to see her hurt, but he had to do what he had to do. He did not want to regret his life when he was 50 and blame her for it. He wanted her to move on but she lingered. He could see her heart in her eyes every time he looked at her. She begged him to come back to him. Sometimes he loathed her being so weak and lingering after someone who did not want her. Days turned into months and there were times when he wanted her back. They would get together for a month and then he would again realize that he was still not done with being that kid. Sometimes she was the one who would not want to get back with him because she knew it would not end well. So they became entrapped in this on and off thing. Years went by but he could not think about any other girl, it was always her… but she was not enough. He yearned for the parties and the adrenalin rush.   He realized that he could not let her be in this relationship where she would never get what she completely wanted. He knew that he had to let go… he told himself that he had let her go, but he would end up with her again and again.   However, it was that one fateful day that changed it all. She came over to talk to him and asked him, “do you think you will ever truly be with me?”   He had to do what was right, “no, we want different things. There is no future for us. Your family would not approve anyway.”   She looked sadly at him and said, “I would fight with my family for you if you would truly want to be with me. But I can’t fight to make you love me as well as with my family to accept you. This is the end, my parents want me to get married.”   She kissed him one last time and walked out of his life.    She was soon to be wed to the guy that her parents had chosen for her. He could not bear the thought of letting her go. It finally crashed down on him. He might not believe in love of epic proportions but he believed that he had always truly loved her. He just had not expected to find his true love at such a young age. He had to get her back… and god knows he tried. He did not want to feel like he had not done everything possible to get her back. But the date was set. They got back one last time to talk before he waved her goodbye.   Again, for the second time in his life he understood what time could do. It took some time but he was back to his regular life again. Back to the life he had chosen for himself. He had even started dating other girls. But when he had time to think, he would go over the past few years and wonder how it would have been if his priorities were different. How would it be if they had met a few years later after he was done living his life? Would things have been different? Did she still think about him like he often did? Is she happy marrying the guy that her parents chose? He doesn’t know the answer… he might never know. Shit, he does not even know if fate brought this on him or if he did it to himself!