August 5th, 2026
Where politicians play musical chairs, clocks tell four different times, and intern doctors fast for basic dignity.

1. Free Land for Everyone! (Terms, Conditions, and Prison Time Apply)
The Land Problem Resolution Committee has issued a stern warning that anyone submitting fake documents to claim land meant for the landless will face swift legal action. It turns out our government is shocked—absolutely shocked—that people might lie on official forms to score free real estate in a country where land prices rival downtown Tokyo.

While Congress leaders dismiss the entire commission as a cheap political stunt designed for social media clout, the average citizen is left wondering if they’ll ever see real land reform before the sun burns out. But hey, at least we have the dark, hopeful comedy of watching bureaucrats pretend to care about paperwork integrity while real landless folks wait in line forever.

2. Spies Under the Prime Minister: Because Balance of Power is an Illusion
Law Minister Sobita Gautam has boldly declared that keeping the National Investigation Department firmly under the Prime Minister’s Office is essential for national security and the delicate "balance of power". Nothing says healthy democracy quite like concentrating the country’s entire intelligence network directly into the hands of a single politician.

She insists this isn't building a scary new regime, but simply dusting off a 1942 law to fix an annoying legal loophole. Hope remains high that our intelligence agents spend less time spying on political rivals and more time figuring out where the country's missing budget went.

3. Supreme Court to Government: Why Are Citizens Dying in Custody?
The Supreme Court has given the government a strict 15-day ultimatum to submit a written explanation regarding the alarming number of unnatural deaths occurring inside police custody. Justice Dr. Nahakul Subedi issued the order after advocates pointed out the absurd reality that getting arrested shouldn't carry an accidental death penalty.

The Attorney General’s Office now has two short weeks to draft a convincing narrative on why state protection feels dangerously like a hazard zone. It’s a grim reminder of our broken system, yet court interventions offer a sliver of hope that the state might finally be forced to value human life.

4. I’m Not Leaving! The Sudurpaschim Musical Chairs Continues
In Sudurpaschim, the CPN and UML coalition politely asked Chief Minister Kamal Bahadur Shah to pack his bags and resign after his government dropped into a clear minority. Chief Minister Shah politely told them to take a hike, promising to cling to his office chair until the very last minute allowed by the Constitution.

It is a majestic display of political shamelessness, where losing your majority is merely a minor inconvenience compared to losing your official motorcade. We can only hope our politicians eventually channel this legendary tenacity into actually fixing the province instead of guarding their desk chairs.

5. How to Erase 500 Stolen Travel Documents for the Low, Low Price of Rs 10,000
Foreign Ministry Joint Secretary Pushpa Raj Bhattarai was recently arrested by CIB for his involvement in a massive 2009 scandal where 500 official travel documents mysteriously vanished. The Kathmandu District Court promptly released him on a staggering bail of... ten thousand rupees.

Yes, folks, allegedly compromising national security and passport integrity will cost you less than a decent weekend dinner in Thamel. While the justice system appears to run on a clearance-sale discount, we hold on to the hope that one day white-collar crimes will carry actual consequences instead of pocket-change fines.

6. A Friendly Tip from TIA: Stop Carrying Random Strangers' Gold Bags
Airport security at TIA has issued an urgent public advisory begging returning migrant workers to stop carrying luggage given to them by "friendly strangers". Apparently, naive travelers keep getting arrested because those innocent gifts turn out to be packed to the brim with smuggled gold and contraband. It’s a tragic testament to how easily hard-working citizens are exploited while the actual smuggling kingpins lounge in luxury villas. Still, there's hope that continuous warnings will save at least a few innocent workers from taking the fall for criminal networks.

7. Birgunj Ghantaghar: The Only Clock Tower That Offers Four Different Time Zones at Once
Birgunj’s iconic Ghantaghar clock tower has officially surrendered to maintenance neglect, with its four clock faces now showing completely different times simultaneously. The city spent plenty of money repainting the outside walls last year, but apparently forgot that a clock's primary job is to actually tell the correct time. It’s the ultimate physical metaphor for Nepali governance: bright, fresh paint on the outside, completely out of sync on the inside. On the bright side, no matter what time you think it is, at least one side of the tower will prove you right!

8. A Diplomatic Win for Animals, Even If Humans Are Still Struggling
In a rare piece of professional competence, the Nepal Veterinary Association signed a landmark "One Health" agreement with regional and global veterinary bodies during Dr. Isao Kurauchi’s visit. While human healthcare in Nepal remains a chaotic mess, our veterinary diplomats are quietly achieving international breakthroughs. It turns out that global institutions are more than happy to collaborate with us when we actually show up with technical expertise instead of political infighting. Here’s to hoping our human health leaders take a few notes from the animal doctors on how to get things done.

9. Maitighar Hunger Strikes: Internship Paid in Empty Promises
MBBS and BDS intern doctors have officially launched an indefinite hunger strike at Maitighar after the government ignored four months of desperate pleas for basic allowances. Led by Dilli Harijan, these young doctors—who literally keep hospital emergency wards running—are starving themselves because previous signed government agreements turned out to be worthless paper.

It is profoundly dark that the people training to save our lives have to risk their own just to get paid. Yet, their unwavering courage shines as a beacon of hope, proving that the next generation won't let corrupt bureaucracy crush their dignity without a fight.
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Sita Rana
Chief Sunrise Satirist

Sita distills the daily chaos into nine bite-sized jokes so you can digest the news before your tea gets cold or the Kathmandu smog makes it impossible to see the paper.

Last edited: 05-Aug-26 12:35 PM

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