Those of you who've had the misfortune of dealing with this hassle, please help me out here.
I've filed a police report, have copy of the citizen certificate and pgs 1,2, 3  and visa stamp from the old passport. How long does the embassy normally take to issue me a new one? I have an AOS deadline coming up late may.

Thanks.

Depends on who you know (or anyone you know inside the consulate in NY/embassy in DC)...Normal peeps wait for about a week to get their new passports whereas I've seen a few cases where peeps got theirs in a day since they had the hookups inside.  Gotta go with one of those wannabe Nepali netas you have here or the Prez of the various ethnic community samaj here.  If you don't know one, then you're sublimely screwed.  Get ready for a waiting game, son!

I've been here so long, sometimes I forget how wonderfully inept our bureaucracy can be. Been dialing the embassy all day and guess what? Nobody answers the damn phone.

For a lost//stolen passport, one week turnaround doesn't seem that bad. I thought I might have to join those Somali pirates to travel overseas. I just need it by the end of May. 

Call the consulate in NY...They're doing a much better job (I hope.  LOLs).  They issue passports too atleast until a year ago.  BTW, end of May?  Thats forever so you can take it slow...Just don't tell them that otherwise they'd take a month to process yours.  HAHAHHA