I was reading this thread that asked:
"Why am I so bloody lazy?"
http://sajha.com/sajha/html/index.cfm?threadid=94792

And I realized that many of us are feeling lazy and lethargic because we are confused about whether we should live in Nepal or in America.

I went back to a time when I was asking: Is America heaven or prison for us Nepalese?
http://sajha.com/sajha/html/index.cfm?threadid=84578

Us Nepalese have been in motion for a while now. We have been leaving Nepal to go to foreign countries for decades. Nepalese workers of all kinds and Laure Gurkha solderiers have gone to foreign countries. And these foreign gone Nepalese workers have returned back to Nepal with wealth and money for their family and community. In this way the community is enriched, family is enriched. This has been going on for many decades, if not further back.

Everytime Nepal's economic difficulties happen, droves of Nepalese leave for foreign countries. And everytime Nepal stabilizes, Nepalese return back to their home country so that they can pursue money making in their own country.

We want to pursue money making and building our careers in Nepal. But we can't.

That is why so many of us are conflicted and confused about whether we should go back to Nepal or stay in America:
http://sajha.com/sajha/html/index.cfm?threadid=84578

And I read this thread that asked us how it is that we motivated ourself while living in America:
http://sajha.com/sajha/html/index.cfm?threadid=94488

I noticed that many Nepalese, not just me, are struggling with motivation. Many of us feel that we are being lazy.

So I started to start thinking that there are two kinds of Nepalese. One Nepali is motivated by the fire in his stomach. And the other Nepali is motivated by the fire in his heart. And I started to see...the Fate of the Confused Nepali.

Can two contradictory forces paralyze motivation?

In other words think of a young child. His parents are fighting. He respects both his parents. But all of a sudden his parents ask him to pick sides. Ouch. Painful. So now he is torn. His motivation is paralyzed. He loves both. He cannot choose. But the parents are adamant that he can't have both. How is he supposed to choose between them?

Now imagine that the two parents are not individuals but rather two groups. Two groups of peers. This is middle school. And the two groups of peers are putting pressure on the individual. The individual must choose sides. There is no middle ground. The political environment of the school is poloarized and charged. There is no room for the middle.

And let's up the ante a bit more. Let's say that one of the groups are Nepalese that are motivated from the starvation from the stomach.
And let's say that the other group of Nepalese are motivated by the starvation from the heart.

And let's say that there are Nepalese who haven't adamantly chosen either polar group but rather find themselves in the middle--you know, the confused Nepalese. Could the sheer force of the two polar groups paralyze the confused individuals in the middle?

In other words think of the confused individual in the middle as a little iron ball. And the confused Nepalese (the iron ball) as those who are swinging from Nepal to America. And then the other confused Nepalese (the same iron ball) are swinging from America to Nepal. So because of their confusion, they are swinging like a pendulum from Nepal to America. And then the other confused ones are swinging from America to Nepal.

At first this iron ball is in Nepal. He identifies with the Nepalese with a hungry stomach. Life in Nepal is very tough. You have to do whatever you need to struggle and survive there. You have to do hook or crook.

This individual will do whatever it takes not to 'Drown in Kathmandu:'
http://sajha.com/sajha/html/index.cfm?threadid=90784


But now life in Kathmandu has become very difficult. There is Maoist threats, Bandhs happening all the time, load shedding, no water, poltical chaos and economic chaos. So this individual wants to escape from all of this.
He swings like a pendulum. He swings from the magnet called Nepal and swings towards the magnet called America.

And this is how many of us have survived in America in a white collar job:
http://sajha.com/sajha/html/index.cfm?threadid=93915

Or we have survived in America in a blue collar job:
http://sajha.com/sajha/html/index.cfm?threadid=84971

I was reading this thread that asked: Does Being Isolated (in a foreign country) make you psychologically weaker?
http://sajha.com/sajha/html/index.cfm?threadid=87446

And I was realizing that it is all this pain that makes us want us to return back to Nepal and to be able to pursue our money-making and career business without it hurting us in anyway.

Many of us are confused about whether we should live in Nepal or America.

And this confusion leads to lethargy and laziness. We don't know what to do.

 In many ways the populus of the Fire in Heart and Fire in the Stomach is the same. I dont feel there is any difference. First off most of the immigrants from Nepal are first generation immigrants who have to support themselves here. We also have to suppport our family back home in some aspects as the expectation of "Amarica ma bhaka chora-chori" is there. We always relate to Nepal becase we grew up there and would love to spend time there, its just that we dont want to miss the opportunities here.
Regarding the laziness factor, dont you think our parents felt like that, werent they bored of going to work each and every day? We didnt feel bored in Nepal because WE NEVER WORKED, at least most of us, we didnt have a fixed schedule. Is it just Nepalese who are dazed and confused? Every one is. There are 6 billion people, how many do you think are not feeling lazy? how many know what they will do in future? are they so sure of the life? 

Nepchai Ji,

It's a joke amongst my friends. It's actually Homey-G. The picture of my icon is Homey the clown. And used to call himself Homey-G. But I decided to make it 'ji.' And you're right, it does sound funny to call yourself a 'ji' like you're a 'mapai.' That is why I'm a clown.

I enjoyed reading your view points.

The main thing that I am trying to capture is the pendulum effect.

The pendulum starts at the right most location. That is when you are first in Nepal, before you left America. That is position A.

And when the Pendulum is in the leftmost position, it means that you are you in America. That is position G.





Position G: Living In America

Position A: Living in Nepal


So there are many people in position G (in America), who, when talking to their relatives in position A (in Nepal), tell them, "Listen, don't come to America, you don't know how good you have life in Nepal. In Nepal, you are free to be yourself. You don't have to apologize to anyone for acting and being a Nepali."

And the people in Position A (in Nepal) who want to come to America say back to their relatives, "What? Now that you are settled and happy in America you are telling us to be satisfied in Nepal? We want to travel and see and experience the beauty that is America. How dare you tell us to stay in Nepal while you are enjoying all the luxuries of America? Do you know how difficult life is in Nepal? Do you have any idea what we have to go through here just to survive day to day? Do you know all the thuggery, insecurity and intimidation there is in our daily life here? Do you have any idea of the kind of problems we go through?"

On the other hand, the people in position G in America are trying to tell their relatives in Nepal: "Please try to understand, I want to come back to Nepal. That is where my heart is. I want to feel at home in Nepal. There is a vacuum in my heart that can only be filled with 'Nepali-ness' (Nepali-pan). Please don't tell me to remain in the States. I have had enough of America. My heart feels dry. I am dying to experience the wetness of the culture of Nepal. I am dying for a sense of familiarity, home, security."

And the people in position A in Nepal are telling their American relatives (in position G) , "You are spoilt and don't know what real problems are anymore. Why would you possibly want to come to Nepal? What do you think is here? We are all trying to get out of here because of all the problems here. And you are saying that you want to leave your career, job and car and house and come to Nepal? For what?"

Position G: Living In America

Position A: Living in Nepal

Position D: Laziness and Confusion


The left most picture is of someone currently living in Nepal wanting to come to America. And the right most picture is of someone currently living in America, wanting to go to Nepal.

The force of the Fire of the Stomach (economics, career) is sending the pendulum from position A to position G.
And the force of the Fire of the Heart (Nepali culture, sense of security and belonging and familiarity, love of home and family) is sending the pendulum from position G to position A.

We are all emotionally somewhere in these positions inclined towards moving in one direction or another. No one is static! And the most important thing is that: the more force with which you go in one direction, eventually, you will have to move in an equal and opposite force in the other direction! That is the only way to be balanced.

Laziness and Confusion is in position D. This is where you are static and not moving in one direction or another. You are neither feeling the Fire in the Stomach nor the Fire in the Heart. Nothing is burning you to action. So you are spinning your wheels in a static position, waiting for some other force to push you in one direction or another.

http://sajha.com/sajha/html/index.cfm?threadid=87446#803329

I think there are different stages that we go through.

1. We first leave Nepal. We realize the opportunities in the States, the freedom, the lack of judgement, the openness. We are excited.
2. We are in unfamiliar territory, new sights, signs, cultural norms, etc--we are scared.
3. As we adapt and achieve in the United States we feel confident
4. We realize that things in Nepal could be better--we feel angry
5. We miss home, we feel remorseful
6. We take advantage of opportunities in the United States and we feel more secure.
7. But year after year we become more and more seperated from the things we are familiar with in Nepal....there is a hollow scream in your heart that you cannot satisfy with anything other than hanging out with other Nepalese or going back to Nepal.

@Homeyoji : Here goes more about the pendulum effect :

Relating this with Physics, here there are two forces of nature that is oscillating the pendulum. One force is force of gravity and the other is restoring force of equilibrium. One can be taken as force that you want to live in US and other force is that you want to stay or go back to Nepal. So as Homiyo Ji mentioned, these two forces are constantly driving us from one position to another (G to A when you are at G and A to G when you are at A), thus in a state of confusion/oscillation. But the real solution of this madness is finding out how can we attain rest or be stable or in a state of equilibrium where none of these forces drive you from one to another; that would freed you from the confusion (that is laziness we are discussing here). For that you need to know how eventually pendulum stops. In real world there is another force in effect; the force of friction from air (that we don't see but we know) that eventually dampens the oscillation of pendulum and bring it to rest. So what is this force in your dilemma of US or Nepal, that would eventually bring you the peace ? In human psychology, this third force can be related to 'human needs' (in this case the need of opportunity/money, need of security, need of freedom, need of respect/popularity, need of justice, need of resources and many) . This nature of need is well explained as 'Maslow's hierarchy of needs' (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow%27s_hierarchy_of_needs) . The pendulum attains the equilibrium in effect of opposing force of friction and that takes some amount of time. Simlarly, you can attain the peace or stability while moving up the hierarchy of needs and after certain time. The more force of friction is applied (or exists), in less time the pendulum comes to rest. So, the more or sooner you move up in the hierarchy of needs, in less time you attain the peace.

Khairey,

That is fascinating! Can you explain more?

Homey,

I'm going to use your model to explain one story that I had written a while ago in sajha:

Position G: Living In America

Position A: Living in Nepal

Here is the story of someone who went from Position A to Position G. And then because he was dissatisfied with being in Position G, tried to move towards Position A. But he didn't go all the way back to Position A (Nepal). He ended up staying in Thailand.  

Cultural Monopoly:
http://sajha.com/sajha/html/index.cfm?threadid=89118

Position G: Living In America

Position A: Living in Nepal

Position D: Laziness and Confusion

If you lose both the Fire in the Stomach and the Fire in the heart, you end up in position D.

Everybody is confused and feels lost sometimes. This is normal. Short periods of feeling lost, sad, lack of motivation, laziness, need for downtime, etc, is normal. But when this happens for long long periods of time, it may indicate that you have a problem.

Symptoms of Position D: Excessive sadness, feeling lost, lack of motivation, laziness and confusion for long stretches of time over weeks and months can eventually lead to severe depression. Depression may lead to suicide.

Here are threads of members of sajha discussing their experiences in Position D:

Suicide:
http://sajha.com/sajha/html/index.cfm?threadid=84713

Confusion:
http://sajha.com/sajha/html/index.cfm?threadid=85087

Sadness and Depression due to identity crisis:
http://sajha.com/sajha/html/index.cfm?threadid=85192

Here is someone who is sad and confused because they don't have all of this: sense of security and belonging and familiarity, love of home and family
http://sajha.com/sajha/html/index.cfm?threadid=84949

Lethargy and laziness and lack of motivation in general to do anything:
http://sajha.com/sajha/html/index.cfm?threadid=94792

Khairey,

You said:
"Simlarly, you can attain the peace or stability while moving up the hierarchy of needs and after certain time. The more force of friction is applied (or exists), in less time the pendulum comes to rest. So, the more or sooner you move up in the hierarchy of needs, in less time you attain the peace."

My question to you:
Where does this high volume of friction come from?

 I also spent a lot of time and energy on this topic and, for my own peace of mind, came to the following conclusion: Wherever I live my goal should be to live a happy life. To live a happy life, I need to learn the art of living.

My mind doesn’t want to be at the present moment. It either goes in the past or rolls over into the future. Also, my mind gets attached to pleasant situations that I experienced in the past or something I wish to have in the future. Similarly, it generates hatred toward unpleasant situations that I faced in the past or something that might happen in the future. When my mind is indulged either in the past or in the future, how am I supposed to enjoy the present (the truth)? In fact, this is human nature and it applies to one and all.

One thing should be clear that ups and downs are going to happen no matter where we are. Therefore, running after pleasant situations or running away from unpleasant situations is nothing but having a restless state of mind. The restless mind brings misery, not happiness.

On the contrary, if we learn to live in the present, we would be more alert and can face difficult situations more effectively, could see things with more clarity, and the decision we make would be the right one. Otherwise, living in the US if we make future plans in Nepal without knowing the ground realities then chances of being successful are slim. While in the US, live happily and grab the opportunities that arise. If we have to go back to Nepal, great! Going back home and having an opportunity to give back to our community, country is a great thing. Again, we should live in the present and see what is missing. It gives original ideas and we can be very creative in solving difficult problems. In fact, research shows that people who are serving others are happier than those who work to fulfill their own needs.

Mind is very powerful. Trained mind serves oneself to live a happy life. Untamed mind makes us miserable, sick, depressed, lazy, and what not! We spend lot of energy fighting with our own minds. We only focus on outside objects such comparing Nepal vs. the US. In reality we are fighting with our own minds. We should be at peace with our minds and live a happy life wherever we decide to live. When we are happy then only we can bring happiness in others.

Well said HomLal!

Nice thread...

@Homyoji
High volume of friction comes from within oneself. How soon one realize what is the ultimate need of human beings. Check the Maslow's hierarchy of needs, and those who are swinging wide (confused more), are probably in the bottom of the pyramid. This is just a natural phenomena in human psychology (including me). However high the friction is, it takes time to eventually come to rest. But if there is rapid swing and the tension of the thread in the pendulum could not resist the weight of the ball, then that suddenly breaks away before the pendulum attains the rest.

Khairey,

You said:
However high the friction is, it takes time to eventually come to rest. But if there is rapid swing and the tension of the thread in the pendulum could not resist the weight of the ball, then that suddenly breaks away before the pendulum attains the rest.

That is exactly what I was discussing with Geology Tiger in this thread:
http://sajha.com/sajha/html/index.cfm?threadid=94536

Snurp,

I found your comment to be extremely offensive and so have deleted your comment.

So you don't even practice democracy in your own thread. Kudos to you man!

If you initiate a topic and you're not ready to hear criticism, especially to your misguided and misleading notion, what purpose do you serve? Instead of coming up with the reasoning behind your logic, you delete my comment? Wait! how old are you again? 

Homeyji I can't believe you actually deleted someone's comment because you could not take the pressure nor have the ability to counter his arguments.

Snurp I did not see your post but you should repost as new thread so open minded people can discuss, and self proclaimed intellectuals like Homeyji should be banned from that thread.