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Rekab Brown
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 Marrying a foreigner

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Posted on 08-23-15 1:12 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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I'm not sure if this is the correct place to put this...
And I know you are going to judge me up and down, but I am desperate for advice.
I know many will disapprove of this,and probably look down on me, but I still need help.

Does anyone know someone who married an American/Australian/Canandian/non-Nepali?
Or is there anyone on here who has married a non-Nepali?
If so please contact me. I am in a situation where I am desperate for advice and help. I do not know anyone in my circle who has been in these circumstances and I need to talk to someone who understands. Please message me on my Facebook if you would be willing to help...
 
Posted on 08-23-15 7:21 AM     [Snapshot: 157]     Reply [Subscribe]
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I know some who married non-Nepali. What is your problem?
 
kichhudada_siraha_madar
Posted on 08-23-15 7:27 AM     [Snapshot: 144]     Reply [Subscribe]
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If you are a Nepali girl marrying an American you will have to go through more stereotypical challenges than a similarly positioned Nepali guy. It is my prejudice (stereotype). I am a male.

If I was a male Nepali person, marrying an american girl would be like 'ये तेजे ले त कागज को लागि खैरेनी संग बिहे गरेछ!'. One exclamation sign, that's it. Now, if that american girl is i) a bible belt homely christian Caucasian girl, ii) an east coast / west coast learned Caucasian girl who fell in love with me in College, iii) an inner city Hispanic Latina girl, iv) a bible belt Caucasian girl who is a mobile-home dweller (अब बुझ न मित्र) or v) an inner city black girl who frequented my gas station (मेरो सोचाई देखेर मलाई नै घीन लाग्छ कैले कैं) will define the length of my marriage. In this example happiness and length of my marriage will get shorter in ascending order.

If I was a female Nepali person, marrying an american guy would be like 'भालु रैछे !!!' Now, if that american guy is a i) White Gentleman or a ii) Black Gentleman would define my marriage. With latter I would end up with no alimony and a loose vagina.

Power to you!

बिहानै चिया पिउदै आची जस्तै सल्लाह बिमर्स दिन पाउनु = Priceless
 
Posted on 08-23-15 3:34 PM     [Snapshot: 475]     Reply [Subscribe]
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what kinda help you need?

 
Posted on 08-23-15 11:02 PM     [Snapshot: 666]     Reply [Subscribe]
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WelI pretty much fall under the first one, as I am a conservative Christian girl who grew up in the Bible belt... but please don't judge me now that I have revealed myself as a white person. I know you see stupid things in movies, and the media. Not all white people are like what you hear and think.

We need help convincing his parents. I have no issue learning the language, following traditions, raising the kids as Nepalese, cooking etc.. we have been together for two and a half years and want to marry,but need parent consent. As usual there is no issue with my parents,but his parents have not met me(they are still believing stereotypes and rumors about white people even though they do not know anyone who is white). Does anyone know or have experience on how to overcome this, or how to convince parents for love marriage to a foreign woman?
 
Posted on 08-23-15 11:04 PM     [Snapshot: 668]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Again I realize I will be judged and looked down upon for this,but I beg you please don't discriminate me or stereotype me.
 
Posted on 08-24-15 12:01 AM     [Snapshot: 706]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Last edited: 24-Aug-15 12:22 AM

 
Posted on 08-24-15 12:12 AM     [Snapshot: 741]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Nas- I don't go around trying to convert people so none of them, I believe people should have the freedom to believe as they wish,and not be forced into it. I have atheist, Wiccan,Hindu, Buddhist, and Muslim friends and haven ever tried to convert anyone of them. If they are curious about Christianity and come to me I will answer them,but I won't intrude in anyone's belief system,but I maintain my own morals such as waiting until marriage.

Ji wan- he is the oldest son,but has two older sisters who are already ,arrived with children,and one younger brother who works in Kathmandu. He is a hindu Brahmin. He is from a village near Chitwan.
His family knows about me, they know he wants to marry me,and he is trying to convince them, I want to meet them(even talk on Skype), they do not speak English but that is not an issue as I will gladly learn Nepali to talk to them, but he says if they get to the point where they will talk on camera to me then they have accepted.
He is having an issues invoicing them about allowing someone from an outside culture into the family, that's why I've ckme here to see if I can find some nepalese who have been in this scenario and know what to do and can help us.
 
Posted on 08-24-15 12:23 AM     [Snapshot: 772]     Reply [Subscribe]
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I should be hating myself now, but I will not. Probably I shouldn't be stereotyping you, but this is how majority of the white people are like. When they say Nepalis people are the best and most hospitable people I humbly accept that (see how these white girls are trying to brainwash this Indian girl and she didn't even say a single "harsh word"). If I were there I would have said "enough b*tches f88k the shut up or else I will chop your heads". Your ultimate goal is the same one as in the video since that's what your religion and/or your parents teaches (blame it on your rearing or your religion, but it is pathetic period).

Why would you guys just not leave us alone and follow our faith??

Now you will probably go on stereotyping Nepalis after my remarks, but hell with it "we are just tired of not speaking up and being humble and sojho--if you know what I mean :)". Thanks and chill. :)
 
Posted on 08-24-15 12:32 AM     [Snapshot: 768]     Reply [Subscribe]
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@Rekab

First of all I am really curious to know why you (not your boyfriend ) is asking about convincing his parents. Don't get me wrong here but I believe he should be the one who should convince his parents not you (as @jiwan already mentioned letting them know about you would be a good idea).But its his responsibility to convince his parents to accept you. You are willing to learn a completely new language, are ready to follow the traditions. You are already putting a lot of efforts here.

"but he says if they get to the point where they will talk on camera to me then they have accepted"
Wait until he will make his parents to accept you. and don't worry too much, eventually he will make them to accept you.

I thought to write what-if scenario here but that would be too harsh so not writing any.

And one more thing, not sure you know it or not , but if you don't like a post you can delete that post by hitting the delete on the post :)

Also --  ignore people who blame one person for the action of another person. I hope you understand what I mean.

My Best wishes.
Last edited: 24-Aug-15 12:35 AM

 
Posted on 08-24-15 12:40 AM     [Snapshot: 799]     Reply [Subscribe]
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"If I was a female Nepali person, marrying an american guy would be like 'भालु रैछे !!!' Now, if that american guy is a i) White Gentleman or a ii) Black Gentleman would define my marriage. With latter I would end up with no alimony and a loose vagina."

Kichudada_siraha_madar, where the fk did that come from?

I personally know at least 10 Nepali women that got hitched to Indians and Americans after falling in love. The trend is likely to rise as long as long as us, Nepali men don't start treating women with respect and equality. Slut shaming, double standards, and being extremely possessive and insecure are some reasons why the trend seems to have risen.



 
Posted on 08-24-15 12:40 AM     [Snapshot: 799]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Rebak
You have come to the wrong place to ask for suggestion. Sajah.com is a platform where they spread hatred esp towards the Christians.
I would suggest you to NOT continue any further discussion with the people here. They will attack you and your faith even though you mean no harm to them. They simply cannot stand Christians. Be careful.
Last edited: 24-Aug-15 12:41 AM

 
Posted on 08-24-15 12:42 AM     [Snapshot: 798]     Reply [Subscribe]
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"And one more thing, not sure you know it or not , but if you don't like a post you can delete that post by hitting the delete on the post :) "
+1 to that, I do that most of the time on my thread, I hate trash talk :).

Like Mero_naam_ho said, you are wiling to learn new thing, new tradition, new language, and probably you are willing to change your last name, and you are ready to have your kids very weird name that your parents can't even say........then you have done some much already. Let's you boyfriend do some too to convince his parents. Meeting them will be the best things, and please learn some things that matters to them.

Why can't we just give someone good suggestion, and we just stop judging others. Don't judge others, because you don't know what they have been through, you don't know their story. talkii talkii is always easier than wakiie wakkie.
 
Posted on 08-24-15 1:00 AM     [Snapshot: 833]     Reply [Subscribe]
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"Rest of the non bible thumping Christians are the sweetest people I have ever encountered in my life."

I have no problems with them. I have no problem with any religions, except the extremists.


Let's not make this a religious thread :), she needs help, and I wish Rebak a good luck.
 
kichhudada_siraha_madar
Posted on 08-24-15 1:56 AM     [Snapshot: 859]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Keyser Soze - "Kichudada_siraha_madar, where the fk did that come from?"
That comes from my deepest prejudice. My education. My upbringing. The village where I was raised. My interaction with other Nepali male friends in my village. Although I don't say it, I feel deep within, that I am a proud Hindu Brahmin. But at my dinner talks with other well settled Nepali brethren I talk about power to women, social issues, rights based policies etc just to show off and position myself as a progressive person. (You rightly used that word earlier). Because here and elsewhere, in the internet and at Nepali diaspora dinners, I proudly label myself as a liberal progressive Nepali that talks about uniting Nepal, talks about how caste and ethnicity based notions are ugly and impeding our progress. I talk about how my society should think above the petty issues that we are squabbling here about. For example, I talk of progressive ideas; but when it comes to my sister I would not be happy if she dated a Somalian born American guy (analogy to invoke a specific stereotype) and would not be too surprised if I overheard someone else talk about her in the same line that I described scenario no. 2 above. But am I prepared to be offended? I don't know. I thought about being honest and write an encouraging note to the OP. But I realized that would not make a dent in OP's thought process because, hey! it would be heck of an article if I could write something (anything) that can change anyone's mind here. Which is why now I write what I prejudice.

The good news is that our story is not as bleak as it seems. For example, you know plenty of Nepali women who have ditched malaised MCPs (or not) and found their true love in something they could easily relate to. Plus, you came forward to object denigrating comments that I made. Kudos! Then, this thread have now become something else. Glory! to us, collectively, for our thoughts and hates and stereotypes and love and passion.

Rekab Brown - If you are who you are; I sincerely hope you don't find your answers from us. You are the owner of your own.. .enough of my bullsh**
 
Posted on 08-24-15 2:02 AM     [Snapshot: 875]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Well let's see if I can reply to all these :O
As I said I don't shove my religion down anyone's throat, I don't have an agenda.I know there are people like that who do that,but my family isn't that kind.

If people want to prejudice me or hate against Christians that is their choice, I'm not going to judge back or stereotype anyone because I don't believe in doing that.

Nas- His parents are rigid yes,and I stopped eating beef when I began dating him. I don't know how anyone can date a hindu and still eat beef, it would be too weird to me. I was never a huge meat eater anyway so giving up beef is not a big deal to me.

I know it is strange me posting on here, but maybe that's because I am a bit more bold. He is shy, he is willing to talk to people to get advice, but isn't the kind to post on forums, and well I'm open and okay with seeking out help.
Problem is he is saying he has tried all he can,doesn't know what to do. But his family never threatened to disown him, they never threatened any huge action. Compared to other situations I have read this one doesn't seem so hopeless,but he is losing hope.He doesn't know anyone who has been in this situation,and he isn't good at dealing with a lot of stress and emotional pain. I have been through a lot of emotional pain so I know how to handle it, but I wanted to see if someone from his culture can talk to him(I know me posting trying to find someone to talk to him might sound a bit..eh I know I know)
He thinks I don't understand/won't listen to my suggestion because I'm American,but is open to listening to someone from his own who has been through this.
Again I know how it comes across me posting this and it might be strange someone like me coming to a forum like this, but I can ignore any judgement if it means someone is willing to truly help.

 
Posted on 08-24-15 2:27 AM     [Snapshot: 900]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Rekab,
Check your mail (Sajha's inbox) if I can be of any help.
 
Posted on 08-24-15 4:38 AM     [Snapshot: 938]     Reply [Subscribe]
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There are lots of Nepalese guys marrying westerners and I have seen around me also. if you guys truly love each other then this might be the toughest test that you guys have to go through . And if he really wants to spend life with you he should be able to convince his family and I don't think that true love has cultural , social and racial boundaries.
 
Posted on 08-24-15 7:18 AM     [Snapshot: 1047]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Rekab, relax you should be fine. Most asians including Nepali's look up to White people in general. His parents may be bit surprised but I dont think they will disown their son or anything like that. Unless they already have a Wife lined up for him.

They like the light skin color of white people most of all. As for Food, you dont even have to give up Beef. There are lot of Hindu Nepalis that eat beef. Just dont eat it when you are around conservative hindus and u should be fine.
 
Posted on 08-24-15 7:25 AM     [Snapshot: 1076]     Reply [Subscribe]
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If he is the right guy for you then he should just marry you and then deal with his family later. If he puts his family's insecurities above you then it should tell you what kind of priorities he has.
 



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