Paddy is planning to marry, he is, and asks his family doctor how he could tell if his bride-to-be is still a virgin. 
  
His doctor says,  "Aye, Paddy, all Irish use three things for what we call a Do-It-Yourself.... Virginity Test Kit.... a small can of red paint, a small can of blue paint and a shovel."     
  
Paddy asks,  "Aye, and what do I do with these things, doctor?"                                                           
  
  The doctor replies, "Before ye climb into bed on your wedding night, you paint one of your balls red and the other ball blue.   
  
If she says, "That's the strangest pair of balls I ever did see...", you hit her with the shovel.'

Guys please continue this thread.........this is the best thread I have ever come across Sajha after so so long.........Want to start my day laughing..........so just to continue.....here it is..

Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.

A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder." The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement and announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away.

Junior shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a dumb blonde! We ask for the height, and she gives us the length!"

Once more........

HOW THEY HAVE SEX

ACCOUNTANTS are good with figures.

ACTORS do it on cue.

ADVERTISERS use the "new, improved" method.

AMBULANCE DRIVERS come quicker.

ANSI does it in the standard way

ARCHEOLOGISTS like it old.

ARCHITECTS have great plans.

ARTISTS are exhibitionists.

ASSEMBLY LINE WORKERS do it over and over.

ASTRONOMERS do it with Uranus.

ATTORNEYS make better motions.

AUDITORS like to examine figures.

BABYSITTERS charge by the hour.

BAILIFFS always come to order.

BAKERS knead it daily.

BAND MEMBERS play all night.

BANKERS do it with interest - penalty for early withdrawal.

BARBERS do it with shear pleasure.

BARTENDERS do it on the rocks.

BASEBALL PLAYERS make it to first base.

BASKETBALL PLAYERS score more often.

BEEKEEPERS like to eat their honey.

BEER BREWERS do it with more hops.

BEER DRINKERS get more head.

BICYCLISTS do it with 10 speeds.

BOOKKEEPERS do it with double entry.

BOSSES delegate the task to others.

BOWLERS have bigger balls.

BRICKLAYERS lay all day.

BRIDGE PLAYERS try to get a rubber.

BUS DRIVERS come early and pull out on time.

BUTCHERS have better meat.

C'Bers do it on the air.

CAMPERS do it in a tent.

CARPENTERS hammer it harder.

CARPET LAYERS do it on the floor.

CHEERLEADERS do it with more enthusiasm.

CHEMISTS like to experiment.

CHESS PLAYERS check their mates.

CHIROPRACTORS do it by manipulation.

CLOCK MAKERS do it mechanically.

CLOWNS do it for laughs.

COACHES whistle while they work.

COBOL PROGRAMMERS do it with bugs.

COCKTAIL WAITRESSES serve highballs.

COMPUTER GAME PLAYERS just can't stop.

COMPUTER OPERATORS get the most out of their software.

CONSTRUCTION WORKERS lay a better foundation.

CONSULTANTS tell other how to do it.

COPS have bigger guns.

COWBOYS handle anything horny.

COWGIRLS like to ride bareback.

CRANE OPERATORS have swinging balls.

CREDIT MANAGERS always collect.

DANCERS do it in leaps and bounds.

DEADHEADS do it with Jerry.

DEER HUNTERS will do anything for a buck.

DENTAL HYGIENISTS do it till it hurts.

DENTISTS do it in your mouth.

DETECTIVES do it under cover.

DIETICIANS eat better.

DIRECT MAILERS get it in the sack.

DIVERS do it deeper.

DOCTORS do it with patience.

DRUGGISTS fill your prescription.

DRUMMERS do it in 4/4 time.

DRY WALLER'S are better bangers.

ELECTRICIANS check your shorts.

ENGINEERS charge by the hour.

EXECUTIVES have large staffs.

FARMERS spread it around.

FIREMEN are always in heat.

FISHERMEN are proud of their rods.

FOOTBALL PLAYERS are measured by the yard.

FOUR-WHEELERS eat more bush.

FURRIERS appreciate good beaver.

GARBAGE MEN come once a week.

GARDENERS have 50 foot hoses.

GAS STATION ATTENDANTS pump all day.

GEOLOGISTS are great explorers.

GOLFERS do it in 18 holes.

GYMNASTS mount and dismount well.

HACKERS do it with fewer instructions.

HAIRDRESSERS give the best blow jobs.

HAM OPERATORS do it with frequency.

HANDYMEN like good screws.

HEWLETT PACKARD does it with precision.

HORSEBACK RIDERS stay in the saddle longer.

HUNTERS do it with a bang.

INSURANCE SALESMEN are premium lovers.

INTERIOR DECORATORS do it all over the house.

INVENTORS find a way.

JANITORS clean up afterwards.

JEWELERS mount real gems.

JOGGERS do it on the run.

LANDSCAPERS plant it deeper.

LAWYERS do it in their briefs.

LIBRARIANS do it quietly.

LOCKSMITHS can get into anything.

LONG DISTANCE RUNNERS last longer.

MACHINISTS make the best screws.

MAGICIANS are quicker than the eye.

MAINTENANCE MEN sweep 'em off their feet.

MANAGERS supervise others.

MARKETING REPs do it on commission.

MILKMEN deliver twice a week.

MILLIONAIRES pay to have it done.

MINERS sink deeper shafts.

MINISTERS do it on Sundays.

MISSILE MEN have better thrust.

MODELS do it in any position.

MODEM MANUFACTURERS do it with all sorts of characters.

MOTORCYCLISTS like something hot between their legs.

MOVIE STARS do it on film.

MUSICIANS do it with rhythm.

NONSMOKERS do it without huffing and puffing.

NURSES call the shots.

OCEANOGRAPHERS do it down under.

OPERATORS do it person-to-person.

OPTOMETRISTS do it face-to-face.

PAINTERS do it with longer strokes.

PARAMEDICS PHOTOGRAPHERS do it with a flash.

PHYSICISTS do it with uniform harmonic motion.

PILOTS keep it up longer.

PLUMBERS do it under the sink.

POLICEMEN like big busts.

POLITICIANS do it for 4 years then have to get re-erected.

POSTMEN come slower.

PRINTERS do it without wrinkling the sheets.

PRINTERS reproduce the fastest.

PROCTOLOGISTS do it in the end.

PROFESSORS do it by the book.

RACERS like to come in first.

RACQUETBALL PLAYERS do it off the wall..

RADIO and TV ANNOUNCERS broadcast it.

REAL ESTATE PEOPLE know all the prime spots.

RECYCLERS use it again.

REPAIRMEN can fix anything.

REPORTERS do it daily.

RESEARCHERS are still looking for it.

RETAILERS move their merchandise.

ROOFERS do it on top.

RUNNERS get into more pants.

SAILORS like to be blown.

SALESPEOPLE have away with their tongues.

SCIENTISTS discovered it.

SECRETARIES do it from 9 to 5.

SKYDIVERS are good till the last drop.

SOCCER PLAYERS have leather balls.

SPEECH PATHOLOGISTS are oral specialists.

SPELUNKERS do it underground.

SPORTSCASTERS like an instant replay.

STEWARDESSES do it in the air.

STUDENTS use their heads.

SURGEONS are smooth operators.

TAILORS make it fit.

TAXI DRIVERS do it all over town.

TAXIDERMISTS mount anything.

TELEPHONE CO. EMPLOYEES let their fingers do the walking.

TELLERS can handle all deposits and withdrawals.

TENNIS PLAYERS have fuzzy balls.

TRUCK DRIVERS have bigger dipsticks.

TRUCKERS carry bigger loads.

TYPISTS do it in triplicate.

VETERINARIANS are pussy lovers.

VOLLEYBALL PLAYERS keep it up.

WAITRESSES serve it piping hot.

WATER SKIERS come down harder.

WELDERS have hotter rods.

WRESTLERS know the best holds.

WRITERS have novel ways.

ZOOLOGISTS do it with animal instinct.

this beautiful woman one day walks into a doctor's office and the doc. is bowled by how stunningly hot she is. His professionalism goes out the window and he asks her to take her pants off and starts rubbing her highs. "DO u know what i'm doing?" asks the doc. "yes checking for abnormalities", says the woman. he then asks her to take her shirt and bra off and starts rubbing her breasts. "DO u know what i'm doing?" asks he again, " yes checking for cancer", she says.
then the doc tells her to take off her panties, puts her on the bed and starts having sex. "DO u know what i'm doing?" asks the doc. " Yes, getting herpies, thats what i'm here for" she says.

एउटा कबी रूख मुनी बसेर कबित लेख्दै थियो। अचानक रुख माथि बाट केही खस्यो। कबी ले रूख माथि हेरेको त सानो बच्चा रहेछ, पेन्टी नलगै रूख मा बसी राखेको । कबी ले त्यो बलिका लाई बोलएर ४० रुपैय दिएर भने "जौ, पेन्टी किनेर लाउ"। त्यो बच्चा घर म गएर पूरा कथा दिदी लाई सुनाइ। दिदी पनि भोली पल्ट त्यही रूख  मा गएर त्यसरी नै बसी। कबी आए , माथि नंगै dekhey । रुख बाट त्यो keti लाई बोलएे र ५ रुपैय दिएर bhaney, जौ "रौउ खुर्किएर आउ " . 

Continued...
Both kabhi and that girl planned to to shave their genitals. They went together. First was Kabi. The guy who shaved kabi's dick charged him 30 dollars. Now the guy shaved the girl's pussy. After finishing the work, he asked for 50 dollars. Then the girl asks the guy, wtf dude! you just charged that guy 30 and you are asking me 50?. Then the guy goes, "listen mam, it was easy to shave that guy. Unlike yours, He has got handle there "

Conitnued Again..
AFter getting cleaned and shaved, they went to the jungle and started their action. Kabi was very excited and busy. All of sudden a buffalo pops up next to them . Kabhi starts singing..

टाढा बाट भैंसी आयो लामो लामो singh
laad**o जाती छिरे पनि geda खेल्छ ping




 
**sry for typos !!**

There is a little boy and a little girl in the woods. The little girl asked the boy, "What is a penis?" The boy replied, "I don't know." At that time he hears his mum calling him for lunch. He goes home and eats his lunch. Then he sees his dad on the couch. He goes up to his dad and ask him, "What is a penis?" The dad whips his out and says to the boy, "This is a penis, as a matter of fact this is the perfect penis." The boy leaves to go find his friend and brings her to the woods. The girl again asks him what a penis is. He whips out his penis and says to her, "This is a penis, and if it was two inches smaller it would be the perfect penis!"  

One day a man and woman
were standing outside the nursing
home casually having a drink and a smoke. After being outside
for a while it started to rain on them. Suddenly, the man took out a
condom, cut off the tip, and slipped it over his cigarette. The lady
asked, "What's that for?" He replied, "It's to keep my cigarette dry
when I'm outside smoking and it starts to rain." The lady said, "That's a
pretty nifty idea." The following day the old lady went to the
drugstore to get some condoms. She walked in and told the clerk, "I'd
like some condoms please." The clerk looked at the old lady, rather
baffled at why she would need condoms. However, he asked, "What brand
would you like, Madam?"
The old lady smiled and replied, "I don't care what brand you give me,
as long as it fits a Camel."

Just to keep this thread alive!!

A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about
15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!".
The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"

SO THE World police convention was held in USA, Every country sent their top of the class tough police Officers. One of the tasks during the convention was to show how each participating country's police could capture a criminal fugitive. SO to up the challenge they let a tiger loose in the jungle.....the task was to capture the tiger alive in the most quickest time to be announced the top police force. American FBI entered the jungle and captured the tiger in astonishing one hour. British police caught the tiger in two hours......and so went on all the countries one by one to capture the tiger but none could beat FBI time. Last to go was the Indian Police team. they boast about being from a tiger country and would show everyone how to capture a tiger...........................................hour turns to hours and the day goes by but no one knows whats going on so they send a search party.............................Deep in the middle of the jungle they spot a noisy loud commotion............. so the search party goes nearer they find the Indian Police force........they had tied a big black bear to a tree, hand cuffed hanging. they were beating the poor black bear silly with sticks,kicks, slaps and punches.......they all were yelling.....ADMIT YOU'RE A TIGER ADMIT IT!!!...................OHHH  WE KNOW WHO YOU ARE ............YOU THINK YOU CAN FOOL US............ADMIT YOU ARE A TIGER KUTTE KAMINEY...MADARCHOOT VARNA...???

A woman calls her husband into her bedroom. "Now Mike, I want you to take off my blouse!" "Good.." "now take off my bra." "Good...." " Now can u take off my panties." "Very good!" "Now, don't let me catch you wearing them again!"

A depressed young woman was so desperate that she decided to end her
life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to the
docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and
said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning,
and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of
you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm
around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me
happy." The girl nodded yes, after all, what did she have to lose? That
night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From
then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of
fruit, and they made passionate
love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine search, she
was discovered by the captain. 'What are you doing here?' the captain
asked. She got up off the ground and explained, "I have an
arrangement with one of the sailors. He's taking me to Europe, and he's
screwing me." The captain looked at her, "Are you sure lady? This is
the Staten Island Ferry."

One IT expert wrote a letter to the customer service specialist...

Dear Tetch Support: Last year I upgraded from  Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began  unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and resources.  In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now  monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night  10.3, Football 5.0, HuntingAndFishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6. I can't seem  to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite  applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the  uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help! Thanks  ...

good ones guys.. stomach hurts frm laughin.. keep them comin!!!!

Here's my share:

A sardar was caught in the midst of crossfire on the indo-pak border. wanting to get to a safe spot, the sardar made a run for it. only to have a bazooka make a bee line for his crotch. It exploded in his loins and his balls fell hither-tether.

saving what he could at the time, which was just one testicle, he pocketed it and dragged himself to the nearest hospital where he asked the doctor to patch him up and the doctor said "I'll do my best".

the doctor not knowing what to substitute for a second testicle saw a couple of kids having a mud fight outside and got an idea. he moulded a testicle sized mudball and sewed the sardar's sack back on.

"Come back to me after a week and tell me how you feel" said the doc as he sent the sardar home.

After a week, the sardar came for his report.

"Any problems?" the doc asked.

"Doctor, everything is fine, except one small thing." replied a confused sardar.

"What is it?" asked the doc.

"Well, I cant understand why on one side of my balls there's hair growing, but on the other side, there's grass."

A guy comes home from work, walks into bedroom, and finds a stranger having sex with his wife. He says. " What are you two doing?" His wife turns to the stranger and says, "I told you he was stupid".

A man and his wife are returning from holiday, while on holiday they
decided to buy themselves some pets, he bought a snake while the woman
got a skunk. As they are passing through airport control they notice a
sign which says "NO ANIMALS WILL BE ALLOWED THROUGH QUARANTINE" Slightly
distressed the woman turns to her husband and asks what they should do.
After thinking hard for 5 minutes the man come up with a plan "what
I'll do is tie the snake around my waist and try to pretend that it's a
snake skin belt" "Yes" the woman replies "but what about the skunk?" "I
don't know, you'll just have to hide it up your skirt" "But what about
the smell?" the woman asks. To which the man replies "Look, if it dies
it dies!"

Three guys are in a strip club. One guy walks over to a stripper, licks a 50 dollar bill and sticks it to one side of her butt. other guy doesn't want to be shown up so he takes a 100 bill and sticks it to the other side of her butt. the third guy doesn't want to be shown up either, but he doesn't have any cash. So he walks over to the stripper, takes out his ATM card, slides it down the crack of her ass, takes the 150 dollars and leaves..

Tickle thebase thts the worst joke ever

Keep on rolling guys

It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it? Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed.
He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager, who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow."
"I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face."
When the boy arrived home he told his mother. 
The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on his face!"