enjoy.......... reading


The Equation:

7 Glance = 1 Smile
7 Smile = 1 Meeting
7 Meeting = 1 Kiss
7 Kisses = 1 Proposal
7 Proposal = 1 Marriage -
And that 1 marriage has 77777 problems.
So beware of glance!


Plan For Future:

Teacher asks children, what do u wish 2 do in future?
Ram: I want 2 b a pilot.
Vinod: I want 2 b a doctor.
Deepa: I want 2 b a good mother.
Ravi: I want 2 help Deepa.


Liar:
A man is dying of Cancer.
His son asked him, "Dad, why do u keep telling people u're dying of AIDS?"

Answer: "So when I'm dead no one will dare touch ur mom"


Delivered:

Sardar sent a SMS to his pregnant wife. Two seconds later a report came to
his phone and he started dancing.

The report said, "DELIVERED".


Three Feelings:

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant, Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant,
and Panic is when both are pregnant.

Lesson 101 for suffering Nepali parents to make their children visit Nepal.


Divorcing after 45 years an elderly Nepali man in Kathmandu calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough!"

"Baba, what are you talking about?" The son screams.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her!"

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this."

She calls Kathmandu immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing,DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife.

"Okay", he says, "They're coming for Dashain and paying their own travel fare." !!!!!

SOME LAWS One need to follow

The Law of Common Sense
Never accept a drink from a urologist,
nor a friendly handshake from a proctologist.

The Law of Reality
Never get into fights with ugly people,
they have nothing to lose.

The Law of Avoiding Oversell
When putting cheese in a mousetrap,
always leave room for the mouse.

Law of Physical Displacement
Sometimes you are the dog.
Sometimes you are the hydrant

Legal Rights
Everyone has a right to be stupid.
Some just abuse the privilege.

Law of Probable Dispersal
Whatever hits the fan
will not be evenly distributed.

Law Pertaining to Divorce
Be a good housekeeper. When you leave him...
get a good lawyer... and keep his house.

Some ways to annoy people:

Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."

Mow your lawn with scissors.

Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."

Make appointments for the 31st of September.

Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.

Ask people what gender they are.

Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."

Pay for your dinner with pennies.

ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE or only type in lowercase and dont use any punctuation either

Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.

Drum on every available surface.

Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."

Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.

Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".

Name your dog "Dog."

Two Sardarjis were in conversation on the beach :
Sardarji 1 :Praaji , Ise 'beach' kyo kaheete hai ?
Sardarji 2 : Tumhe nahe pata ?
Sardarji 1 : Nahe pata.
Sardarji 2 : Woh to Aasmaan aur Zameen ke beech mein hai esliye eesai beach kahete hai

Letter from mother to son Santa Singh. Pyare Puttar, Vahe Guru. I am writing this letter slow, because I know you can't read fast. We do not live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen 20 miles from your home, so we moved. I wont be able to send you the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the numbers with them for their next house, so they would not have to change their address. This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I am not sure it works too well. Last week I put 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since then. The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained 3 days, and the second time for 4 days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket. We got another bill from the funeral home. It said if we don't make the last payment on grandma's funeral, he will come up again. Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting grass at the cemetery . Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it's a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle. Your uncle Jatinder fell in a whisky vat. Some men tried pulling him out, but he fought them off and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days. There is not much more news this time. Nothing much has happened. LoveMom. P.S. I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed

one more sardarji joke from me side too.

one day, sardarjis has performed a live show to prove that they are not as stupid as people use to think about them. they challanged the judge of the show to ask about anything to anyone sardarji present in that show ( all most all the sardarji of that area are present in that show).

one of the judge pick a sardarji from the crowd and asked :
what is the result of 9862359874323 * 562349872156 ?
sardar1: hmmmmm....., 654654654 (means wrong answer )
judge : no. you are wrong.
crowd ( rest of sardarjis present in the show) : one more chnce , one more chance.

judge : ok. i will ask you another simple question.
what is the product of 987654 * 123456.
sardarji : 123456789 (means another wrong answer )
judge : no. wrong. again.
crowd : one more chance, one more chance.

judge : ok. i will ask you another simple question.
what is the sum of 987654 + 123456.
sardarji : 987654123456 (means another wrong answer )
judge : no. wrong. again.
crowd : one more chance, one more chance.

judge : ok. i will ask you another simple question.
what is the result of 123+4566
sardarji : 123456 (means another wrong answer )
judge : no. wrong. again.
crowd : one more chance, one more chance.

judge : ok. i will ask you another simple question.
what is the sum of 9+11.
sardarji :10 (means another wrong answer )
judge : no. wrong. again.
crowd : one more chance, one more chance.


judge : ok. i will ask you the simplest question.
what is the sum of 1+1
sardarji :2 (correct answer)
before judge says anything,
crowd : one more chance, one more chance.

He he he ..these sardar's jokes are pleasing to read......and this one from newuser was funny...ha ha

Titanic part 2

Cat massage!!!

Forbidden Lovers

Why did i forget to have my hair cut and beard shaved??

Hey u look like me if u smoke!!!

Common i am dying to kiss U !!!

He is my dream boy!! No Salman!!

Ohh ...darling...don't look at me like that...i am scared!!!!!

Performance Appraisals Revisited

GREAT PRESENTATION SKILLS ......= Able to bullshit
GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS ......= Spends lots of time on phone
AVERAGE EMPLOYEE ...............= Not too bright
EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED ...= Made no major blunders yet
WORK IS FIRST PRIORITY .........= Too ugly to get a date
ACTIVE SOCIALLY ................= Drinks a lot
FAMILY IS ACTIVE SOCIALLY ......= Spouse drinks, too
INDEPENDENT WORKER .............= Nobody knows what he/she does
QUICK THINKING .................= Offers plausible excuses
CAREFUL THINKER ................= Won't make a decision
AGGRESSIVE .....................= Obnoxious
USES LOGIC ON DIFFICULT JOBS ...= Gets someone else to do it
EXPRESSES THEMSELVES WELL ......= Speaks English
METICULOUS ATTENTION TO DETAIL .= A nit picker
HAS LEADERSHIP QUALITIES .......= Is tall or has a loud voice
EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD JUDGEMENT ...= Lucky
KEEN SENSE OF HUMOUR ...........= Knows a lot of dirty jokes
CAREER MINDED ..................= Back Stabber
LOYAL ..........................= Can't get a job anywhere else

Some humours!!!

A Sardar died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate
Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education
on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer
two questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
2. How many seconds are there in a year?
The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered...
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even though it's not
the answer I expected, so your answer is correct. But how did you get only
12 seconds in a year?"
The Sardar replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc...."
Saint Peter lets him in without another word


One day evening a Sardarji starts from office to home with pushing his scooter manually. He met his friend on the way... Friend: why are you pushing your scooter manually? Sardarji: 'I forgot to bring the scooter key from my home. Friend: 'Is it! Then, How did you come to office from home in the morning?' Sardarji: 'I was pushing my scooter from home to office also in the morning.

One Sardar was enjoying Sun on a Beach in America. A lady came and asked him, " Are you relaxing" Sardar answered '" No I am Banta Singh" Another Guy Came and asked the same Question. Sardar answered " No No Me Banta Singh" Third one came and asked the same question Sardar was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place. While walking he saw another Sardar enjoying the Beach. He went and asked him " Are you Relaxing?" The other Sardar was much educated and answered "Yes I am relaxing " Our Sardar slapped him on his face and said, "Salay, Sab tere Ko wahah doond rahe hai aur tu Yahaan Aaram Kar raha hai."

Once a Sardarji was going to his office.
On the way he slipped on a banana peel and was badly hurt.
Next day , on his way to the office, he noticed a banana peel
and Later after two days, he noticed two banana peels and
exclaimed" ari sala, aaj to choice hai"!!!!!!

YOU PROBABLY HAVE HEARD THIS BEFORE!! JUST REFRESHING:

A LETTER

Pyaarey puttar, I'm writing this letter slow,
because I know you cannot read fast. We don't
live where we did when you left home. Your dad
read in the paper that most accidents happen 20
miles from your home, so we moved. I won't be
able to send you the address as the last Sardar
who stayed here took the house numbers with
them for their next house, so they couldn't have
to change their address. This place is really
nice. It even has a washing machine situated
right above the commode. I'm not sure it works
too well. Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled
the chain and haven't seen them since. The
weather here isn't too bad. It rained only
twice last week. The first it rained for 3
days and second time for 4 days. The coat you
wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would
be a little too heavy to send in the mail with
all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and
put them in the pocket. Your father has
another job. He has 500 people under him. He
is cutting the grass at the cemetery. Your
sister had a baby this morning. I haven't
found out whether it's a girl or a boy, so I
don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.
Your uncle, Jatinder fell in a the nearby well.
Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought
them off bravely and drowned. We re-cremated
him and he burned for three days. Your best
friend, Balwinder is no more. He died trying to
fulfill his father's last wishes. His father
had wished to be buried in the sea after he
died. Your friend died while in the process of
digging a grave for his father. There isn't
much more news this time. Nothing much has
happened. Love Mom.
P. S : I was going to send you some money but
the envelope was already sealed.

Some more!!!

Sardarji goes into a store and sees a shiny object. He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?" The clerk replies, "That is a Thermos flask." The Sardar asks, "What does it do?" The clerk responds, "Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The Sardar says, "I'll take it!" The next day, he walks into work with his new Thermos. His Sardar boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?" He said, "It's a Thermos flask." The boss asks, "What does it do?" He replies, "Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?" The Sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."

There was a meeting of all the Sardar freedom fighters. They were planning for a free Punjab. Santa Singh raised a point, "Oh...we'll take Punjab from India but how would we develop it?" That was a tough one indeed. Banta Singh had a brainwave... "No problem! We'll attack Amrika, it would take over us and then we would become a State of USA and develop automatically." All the surds became happy with this very simple solution but an old surd was not. Someone asked him why he wasn't happy. The old surd replied, "THAT'S ALL VERY WELL... WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE WE TOOK OVER AMRIKA???"

A Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead. The manager comes running and asks him, "Prahji, aap kya kar rahe ho?" To this the man replies, "Oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai "Wash Basin".

These Sardars are real Joker...he he he

Sardarji went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied. He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style, and returned to tell the salesman "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied.
"Damn, he recognised me," he thought. He went for a complete disguise this time, haircut, new hair colour, new outfit, big sunglasses, waited a few days, saw the salesman again. "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied.
Frustrated, he exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a Sardar?" "Because that's a microwave," he replied.


Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills the birth certificate. "Mother: Sikh. Father: Sikh. Kid: Chinese." "How come you write "Chinese" when both parents are Sikh?" "
Aah, Sardarji read a newspaper, it said every 4th person born on the Earth now is a Chinese."


Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a Clock Tower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower. Sardarji says "Yes".
"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji figured he was taken for a ride. On the next day the Sardarji is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock. "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."
The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says I am not a fool. This time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder."


Having lost his donkey Sardarji, got down
to his knees and thanked God.
A passerby saw this and asked,
"Your donkey is missing. What are you thanking God for?"
Sardarji replied, "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that
I wasn't riding the donkey at that time,
otherwise I would have been missing too."