Dear my frens,

This a request to my all nepali frens and family to give me the advice on my family issue.......

My parents [Disallowed String for - Bad word 'fuk']ing expect money from me all the time.... which is good but i am not the one putting of my all young life to work and sending money to nepal.......... Am i getting evil or i am just supposed to send them money all the time...... 

I cant work like i used work... I want to slow down...just enjoy my life here...i know they got to enjoy their life to and i do understand that  they have actually sacrified their life for us... i do understand that but how long am i supposed to send money ...i got the wife to take care of ... i going to nepal in November but nobody is happy...i dont have lots of money to give them too ... 


just tell me wht i have to do.....cause the money we make is not easy money...... we actually work like a dog and at the end of the month there is no money to enjoy our young life......... so how long its gonna last like this..... 

 dude i liked ur comment........ i was really being evil... really....... 

 @aap bhi na- I don't think you understand my situation. I love my parents and family as much as you do. And I want to support them as much as you do. I just feel that there is a limit to this and I think my case has already crossed the limit. And I believe justcantgetenough is in the same situation.

I make decent money here and have been sending an average of around $1800 per month to my family for the last two years. I have my wife here and have about 50K in debt. Not to mention, I have lot of health issues and spend quite a bit in health expenses. Haven't been able to pay back my debt here just because i have to send money home. Haven't had a chance to go for vacation ever since I got to this country. Pictures of my friends in facebook going to all these exotic places just makes me jealous. Some of their parents are well off and I understand. But, it just makes me step back and think if I am doing more than necessary to my parents when I see all my Nepalese friends having fun and spending their money like there is no tomorrow, while I sit back and send them all to my parents.

My parents are not educated and I understand that they sacrificed a lot to give me some good education, and I appreciate them doing this for me. However, they have completely stopped working ever since I started my job and expect me to support them for everything. They were around their mid 40s when they stopped working. I don't think this is a time for them to retire. Not that they were making much money even when they were working but I just don't think it is fair for on me for them to retire at this age. I want them to at least make some effort to generate their own income. I have also told them that I would be happy to send them some money to start a business and generate their own income so that I don't have to worry about sending money home all the time. They don't listen...Just keep expecting money from me. I don't want them to completely rely on me for everything .Who knows, anything can happen to me, then what next for them? I  feel even worse when I see some elderly people (around 70s) working at McDonalds. All their life they boast about the American life. Just compare that to my parents who gets to retire at mid 40s and do have to worry about any retirement fund. Now, thats the Nepalese life.

Other thing that bothers me is that my parents expect me to completely support my siblings' education. Don't get me wrong here...I am not saying I do not want to support my siblings education, I would do anything to get them the best education I can. I guess it turned out well for my parents that I being the eldest child, got the best education they can afford and they had no money left for my siblings. Good for them that with that education, I have a good job and I supported for my siblings education. What if the eldest child was a brat and didn't care about younger siblings. Would it be fair to the other siblings? Why is it that in our culture, most parents make no plans whatsoever about their children's future? Americans here start saving for their child's college tuition as early as the child's birth.

One more thing, why just the son? I don't think my sister feels as much obligated to my parents as I do and nor do my parents expect much from her when it comes to supporting them. I helped her with her education, and now when she has a job, she can just go find a guy to marry and not worry about the parents? Why does the burden never go way for me and my sister does not have to deal with it at all? Is it because of the typical mentality of Nepalese parents that only the son gets their wealth? I am all for "Chori lai pani ansha",  as long as the "Chori" does her duties. As much as I support equality here, I would not want my parents to distribute their wealth to my sisters. Not that I want my parents's wealth or that I do not want to share it with my sisters, but i just don't think they deserve it. What they have done to my parents is nowhere compareble to what I have done. 


I am almost 30 now and feel like becuase of all this I have not had a chance to do all the fun things life has to offer. I know I will be having kids in a few years and money is going to be tight then. So, when is my time to have fun in life? All this time, I have been supporting my parents, in a few years add my kids to the list...When is the time for me and my wife?  

Just wanted to share my scenario with everyone and find out what you think about this...I don't know if evil thoughts are growing in my mind but wanted to find out how many of you are going through the same situation and how you are dealing with thi...

Thank god I have a ghussya bau, everytime I ask him if I can help him with anything, he sends me a $3000 money order :)

its not only poor parents ,i know a person who has 13 houses in Kathmandu and he ask money to his son every month.He scolds like pig if his son says he doesnot have money.I have seen some Parents and siblings are like parasite.They just want to live off with their son/siblings income.Just other day I had one person I know complaining how his family is black mailing him to buy 2 motor bikes for his two brothers.He told me both want pulsar bike which cost more than 5000 for 2 and his parents also asked to pay fee for his sister studies in UK .Teti garna na sake ghar ma phone na gaarnu .He almost cried.

There are thousand stories like yours , you are not the only one going thru this.Having said that I have a different story.

While I was a studnet my parents asked me money once,they were desperate because my father had to close all the family business and they were struggling, I was only working 1days a week at the time so didnot have enogh money to feed myself so obvoiusly I couldnot send money.I just said I will see what I can do, they never follow up with me and i didnot not send the money.

2 years later they visited me  and they said  ohhh here yesto garo rahechaa hami le tyaha basera ke ke na hola bidesh bhaneko bhanthanthau.

Anyway now my mother passed away, this thing somtimes haunt me.I sometime think that I should have left the school , work and should have send the money cause that was the only time my mother asked for me for money and I couldnot do anything.To this day I regret  and I am sure I will regret this all my life.

Don,t be selfish.

 @nicknath,
What were your parents doing with 1800 dollars a month in Nepal? Just wondering. I would live like a king for a whole year with that money in Nepal.

This is an interesting thread.

I think each of the suggestors are suggesting based on their own family chemistry. Sometimes i have also gotten an impression from folks back home as if  " $ rukh ma phalcha" in USA and all you have to do is to pick it"  and they keep on asking for money without any considerations.

Other times i have also seen guys who keep on asking money from the parents home without any shame and considering what the financial condition back home could be. As we Nepalese have no boundary on " Paisa ko len den between Parents and offsprings" this issue is seen the both ways.

I have been sending money home for 19 years and i do not see an end to it. These days i am not sending money to my parents but there is still demands from other relatives..epecially the young ones. They want stuffs from here. Like some of you posted above, in last 19 years...i have helped my father build a new house, paid for my sisters wedding, paid for my brother's education, and paid for many trips to USA for my parents. I would like to say that my parents could do all those things on their own but i still paid for them. I am not sure if it was the "invisible social pressure" or the desire to become a GOOD SON made me do those things. But in anyway i DO NOT REGRET any of those things that i did. Some of the money i sent home was invested in land and it has been doing really well. So i guess "sending money home" really depends on what your own perspective towards your family is combined with the factors like financial status, greed, social pressure, selfishness, need, want..etc

what about In laws side , you guys never express in next side.

Parents only why not in law parents, brother in laws and his wife and brother in laws in laws.
10of thousand dallors in 3 month ride with easy way.

 i am realyy sorry to hear your story.... u are not the only one.  how ever Do as much as u can do... IN my personal view, your responsibility is to take care of your parents eventhough they retired on their 40s. U have no option with that.... HOwever, if u could tell them that u are fixing to be laid off or u will have no more jobs...this will add a pressure to ur parents and like u said they might end up with doing some business which is good for u........As soon as they start a business,  all your siblings will be taken care of too.....

We really have to and need to be out of this nepalese life, otherwise, it will corrupt the beautiful life we have.. It will ruin your upcoming family life too.  SO it is very important to create a some kind of pressure which push ur parents to go back to work..................


U gotta do what u gotta do...u are not in 20s anymore.......

Yes, there are many messed up family in Nepal. Just because we are Nepali does not make our people superior. This practice of social dependency on sons and sucking the blood out of us is completely wrong. By now, many have judged me as a bad son. But I don't give a damn.

I'm with you bro. You are NOT a bad son. Many of us going through this. We need to stand up and change this practice. Lots of healthy and young parents have stopped working and simply living in luxury, yet they perceive us who are having better life in foreign land. Most of them are greedy and corrupt people to begin with. Yet by our practice, we're supposed to worship them. What do you expect from a culture like that? Like you say, every sibling needs to do their shares, including sisters.

My story...I've been sending money for a while now. All I care is my father and mother, nobody else. I tell them that the money if for them, not for charity of their religious belief (which I hate when they do it). It is for their food and medicine. I say every sons need to chip in if they want to be rich, which they complain how poor they are (they are not...we have few houses in Kathmandu, tons of land in village).Greedy bastards (Oops I'm a bad son now...Sorry). On top of that, I tell them that I do NOT want a penny of my “angsa” from them. Most of my brothers do not send money regularly, one has NOT send a penny for more then 2 decades now (let's call him X brother). Sadly X left a bunch of kids to be raised by my parents. Guess where my money goes? Yep....curse of “blood” relation that we so much brag about, the negative side we ignore or even talk about. For more than a decade I've told my parents to open a shop so they can make a little money and also keep them busy, nothing has changed. I've come to the point where I say that they drop my nephews on the street or give them for adoption (too old now)cause every problem starts from them and their dad (long story short). My life has become this---I live a miserable life and not have my own kids so I can take care of someone’s litters. How fair is that? Sacrifice or simply plain stupidity?

I've stopped listening to my parents bullshit these days, they have not changed or listened to me at all. They never will. Respect is a two way road. I just send them the money (I rarely call them), let them do what every shit they want to. I make sure I send them “just” enough, not too much. Never tell them how much you make (It's a NO NO NO). I choose to draw the line.

Recently I've started to breathe a little bit, travel and pick up on some of my old hobbies and live in peace. Without having to listen to all the BS over the phone.... God, it feels good.

My suggestion for you is to send less and enjoy your life. You barely got any time left bro. No, you're not a bad son. Stop listening to stereotypical Nepali people, most speaking out of emotions learn through Bollywood movies where they bow to their parents feet every morning. Mix with other nationality. Do what your brain says, not your heart. But don't get too carried away, keep it to a limit.

Good luck.

   jus' feels so alienated from sajha..but I'm glad to say.....How wonderful my parents are never cried for money & neither do I? Not 2 mention money flows both ways in case of us....
........ So many of you sucked by your parents..yeah rite ...
  People have issues but on the other hand they are gifted brains too to solve their problems wisely... & you cheap dudes do not have to spend a penny to solve your issues of a family within the family... but nah...ya wanna come out and cry among all other people and make shame of yourselves ..terriffic  
   But, how spectacular would it be... if the Sajha owner save this thread and show the face of these fathers to their childrens in future? how awesome would it be... if these words are told to their parents who needs freedom for money from them & are looking forward to, "Money Revolution" or just say they want, "MoneycracY"..  such a shame Scapegoats!!
          You talk about Stereotypical Vhotee.. it ain't no facking Stereotypical emotions... call it a utmost respect & revere.....
   Not only you people send money home... there are others too who lives here in states.. have been living here for years and years and are still supporting their kins.. well they should have cried...but no you all do ...fudgin' for 4 or 5 or 6 mayb years ...you all have sent money home and you all are crying like a biatch... supreb carry on & cry on...  Hippo's
 

 @aap_bhi_na-First of all, shut up biatch! your ghusiya parents might be well off back home because of which you don't get "sucked" (putting in your own word) by them...pisses me even more when an assssss like you are blessed in this regard...IF you don't have this problem, then just shut the F___ up. You don't need to respond to all the threads...People here are sharing their issues and finding out how others with similar situation are dealing with the issue...if you don't have these issues, you don't belong here, no need to add in derogatory comments and waste your time.... BTW, no one here is making shame of themselves here by sharing their story. If any one, it is retards like you who is "making fun of himself" in this thread ruining an otherwise healthy discussion.

You talk about "utmost respect and revere". I can bet that I have more respect towards my parents and revere my parents more than your sorry assssssss does to your parents. Also, I am not saying that we are the only ones sending money home. I understand majority of us  abroad (except some brats like you) support their families in some way. Few of our cases are different. As much as we want to fulfil their expectations, limited available resources is making us cut down on lots of once in a lifetime opportunities we could have by trying to meet their "unreasonable" expectations/demands. Again, we are sharing special cases like mine and few others and find out how everyone is dealing with it. Just trying to seek some practical solutions that will relieve some burden from us with minimal emotional damage to both sides (Of course, through a healthy discussion here in sajha). 

We don't need your retarded comments...if you don't have any positive contribution to the thread, it will be appreciated if you stay out ofthis thread...  

 Look puccY!!
     No wonder I see ur respect & revere towards your parents.. ya can say dat again!!
              Regarding if I belong here or not... suck ur balls...Sajha does not belong to ya..
                   my parents... ghusiya...facker.. ya fackin' don't know, so STFU u ignorant monkey....we all struggle, and so did our parents and you are not the only one... so two words for you .... F**k U
                            Neither do I have any interest to literate ignorant fools like you.. I surf Sajha while doing my project as it refreshes me...but illiterate chipmunk like you makes me hyper....
               Its not because of people like you.. I'm here in Sajha... there are people whose poems, stories, news & so on adds up so much flavor in here & thus I'm here ... , "news of Nepal as it happens" just like dat freak...
      This facking thread is already moving to a car crash and ya freak expect a postive attitude... biatch I am done with my project homework for the day ... so do not even think I won't be watchin' ya till midnite this day JackaSs!!!
              

 @aap-bhi-naa

Dude, u completely dont understand what we are talking about, do u?

WE ARE NOT DISRESPECTING OUR PARENTS, like NICKNATH said we are trying to find out the solution in a healthy way so that we can still respect our parents and do the things we want........

IN my personnel view,  every hours we put in our work should not go to NEPAL to build the houses, to open up the businesses, to take care of the siblings, to take care of brothers and so on. THAT kind of sending money must be considered as an expense.

WE NEED TO EXPLORE THIS WORLD. THIS DOESNOT MEAN THAT DONT SEND MONEY TO PARENTS AT ALL.  TAKE CARE OF THEM TOO......... LOOK,  I have been here for six years . I have done so much things to my parents. But i still dont have money and i am still working 60 hours.  Why cant i work 40 hours all bills paid...and that 20  hours do some fun activities going to places, eating good food, going to mountains, camping, boating, hiring limo with lots of  hard liquor and pretty girls... going to clubs,  get drunk, focused on making careers and so on. how in the world we cando these things if we push ourselves sixty hours at the work place hOW>>>>

THIS ISSUE CERTAINLY DO NOT APPLY FOR U (AAP BHI NAA) ... CAUSE UR PARENTS ARE WEALTHY..  WE LOOK DOOSE BACK INFRONT OF AMERICANS, WITH THE FAT BELLY, SKINNY BONES ....SHORT  WE HAVE TO LIVE OUR LIFE LOUD.......

 

 

 

Straight out some of ur parents think u r a dollar cow.stop that , tell them that u can't help more than 100 bucks a month. I have seen some real selfish parents who like to brag about bigger house in Nepal while their son/daughter is working like a donkey in foreign land. Make them come here and work if they want the money so bad to show off. But if they are sick or in debt its a totally different story. Sending a siblinhg to school is also a diff case but don't get bankrupt while u try to make them a doc. Think about ur future too. What if u get sick tomm and can't work 60 hrs? Are they going to sell the house and send u the money. I highly doubt that from such selfish parents. Try that, tell them u got some real money crunch and need them to send u some money ans see if they do

@ AAP BHI NA--Go ahead, take out all ur frustrations.
--Empty vessels sound the most.
--Coz u r working in a project, you should be thinking u r the greatest of all people who come to sajha.
--Ok now with your big fonts,cry foul words on me ( I am really thinking what kind of person you are..)

months   Monethly saving                         Money Sent To NEPAL/month                     Net  Money Saved                       HOURS Worked

   1.               1500                                                   1000                                                         500/month                                   60 hours

  2.                3000                                                    1000                                                        1000                                              60 hours

 3.                 4500                                                   1000                                                          1500                                             60 hours


1yr                 18000                                                 1000                                                         6500                                             60 hours


5 yrs              90,000                                               1000                                                        32500                                            60 hours


IN 5 yrs YOU  would have 90,000 dollars. This money U COULD HAVE BEEN INVESTED HERE and make 3000 per month with that money.... Thats how u should go..... invest money that generates money........ even students would have almost around 45000 ...look that money is a lot money .... I would have that much money ...guess wht i have 345 dollars in my account..... i have to work another five years to collect that 90,000 ... by the time i do that my 20s is gone.... and also i may not be able to save that much because there is no end of asking money from parents side.......... 


THats why i am frustrated........where iS MY 90,000 dollars gone......?? By now,  i would have made 3000 per month working less hours......

@justcan'tgetenough: Dude, you sure are a freakin kid. I don't think you got the point and didn't understand what i wrote on the previous post. Your thinking give you the impression of who you are. Stop bitching about how much money you would save when you are 30's or 40's. As you get older, you have family and kids then you need to pay mortgage. In the mean time, you have savings of $0 in your bank account. That's what american life is. Whatever you earn doesn't get saved if you live an american standard of living.

Stop bitching about your parents and tell them you can only send $500 instead of $1000 because you have to pay for your college and that is if you are going to college. I don't think you go to college because you cannot work 60 hrs every week and you can't save that much money. So if you are a GHANTA guy, you have no choice of working less than 40 hours because you can't survive without it.

Peace

Sirus_Me

 months   Monethly saving                         Money Sent To NEPAL/month                     Net  Money Saved                       HOURS Worked

   1.               1500                                                   1000                                                         500/month                                   60 hours

  2.                3000                                                    1000                                                        1000                                              60 hours

 3.                 4500                                                   1000                                                          1500                                             60 hours


1yr                 18000                                                 1000                                                         6500                                             60 hours


5 yrs              90,000                                               1000                                                        32500                                            60 hours


IN 5 yrs YOU  would have 90,000 dollars. This money U COULD HAVE BEEN INVESTED HERE and make 3000 per month with that money.... Thats how u should go..... invest money that generates money........ even students would have almost around 45000 ...look that money is a lot money .... I would have that much money ...guess wht i have 345 dollars in my account..... i have to work another five years to collect that 90,000 ... by the time i do that my 20s is gone.... and also i may not be able to save that much because there is no end of asking money from parents side.......... 


THats why i am frustrated........where iS MY 90,000 dollars gone......?? By now,  i would have made 3000 per month working less hours......

 DOOSE BACK? LOL