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 Cross cultural marriage - no problem?
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Posted on 07-18-16 8:44 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Hi Nepal and the rest of the world
A good friend of mine is married to a Nepali guy, they live quiet hapliy together in Europe, they celebrated with the members of her family/ friends and his Nepali college friends, she is somewhat older than him and has a teeenaged daughter. Her family was accepting the marriage after a short while (will this work?) but his parents and family doesnt know about their relationship yet. As the oldest son of a good situated family in a small town he doesnt like to get his parents (and other locals) to think that he is not able or willing to stand on his own feet (he is on a good way now just starting an internship in Europe, but he not yet earnes as much as might be expected from his nepali society).
Quiet helpful I found Sally`s votum, even written some time ago, http://sajha.com/archives/openthread.cfm?threadid=1541#6200 , saying that there is and will never be this one way, or that cultural difference but open minded people and less open ones.
Anyway I bring up the question: Should she force him to tell his family about the relationship and marriage? Should`nt they travel to Nepal and meet everybody?
Thanks alot

Posted on 07-18-16 1:38 PM     [Snapshot: 26]     Reply [Subscribe]
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I agree, he should tell his parents. He needs to man up. She should encourage him not force him to talk to his family and let them also accept her.
Posted on 07-18-16 9:25 PM     [Snapshot: 126]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Either he is entering to marriage 'contract' so that he gets permanent residency
Or he has very conservative family that he doesn't want to upset his family/wife which eventually ruins his happily married life.

Ask and you shall get an answer.
Posted on 07-19-16 12:54 AM     [Snapshot: 221]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Thanks a lot to New York and Comumbus for your point of view! I think similary.
Anonther thing is, as told she is somwhat older, means 20 years older(!) He sais "my parents will get an heart attac if they would get to know". But happiness has no racal or age limits,
does´nt it?
Would be intersting, what Nepalis living in their homecountry, even in rural enviroments, think about this challenging situation.
Thanks in advance

Posted on 07-19-16 5:28 AM     [Snapshot: 298]     Reply [Subscribe]
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May be the guy loves his wife for real. For a lot of people, age difference makes no difference. Or may be he is just waiting to receive his residency card to live the girl. That way he does not have to tell anyone in his family that he ever got married to her. Keep the secret for a while until residency card.
But the girl is also at fault here. Why did she get married to a guy who wants to keep the marriage secret from his family? Isn't that a big red flag?

Posted on 07-19-16 11:35 AM     [Snapshot: 432]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Thanks hurray for his answer.
I was born in Europe and never lived in Nepal, thats why I am curious of what (you) people think. Your point of view could be similar to the people in the enviroment of Sujan, the husband. Between Sujan and Annalena it´s obviously love. They are living a different life and relationship in the west where a woman has the possibility to chose and direct her life on her own, especially if she has allready or nearly brought up her children. She is not depending on Sujan, not financially or by other restrictions.
Love, enviroment, society, tradition and intention - the reality (of this unequal partnership) is quiet complex. She helps and supports her husband to find acces to the western culture - in the same time she learns about the Nepali way of living.
If he would introduce her to his family it might be a challange for both and in both ways: to get her to know more about Nepali tradition in a good way- but also they might face intolerance. (in the other thread someone said :"people love to talk (and back bite) about others.")

Best might be seeing it Sally´s way (to read there):
"Luckily, I think most people give up their stereotypes when they get to know each other as individuals."

Posted on 07-20-16 9:43 AM     [Snapshot: 653]     Reply [Subscribe]
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best practice we follow is....focus on being a good husband/wife first, in-laws and other people/society are secondary. there is no point making in-laws/society happy if husband and wife aren't happy.....cause in the end....it's just gonna be you two.

but yes, he should tell his fam.
In my eyes.....If he can't stand up proudly about the biggest decision of his life, then he was not ready to get married.

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