From: www.AyoGorkhali.com

July 4th, 2026
Monsoon fills fields, politicians drain our souls.

Good Morning, Nepal!

1. Seven Universities Get New Vice-Chancellors Through "Open Competition"
The government has actually appointed Vice-Chancellors to seven universities based on recommendations from an open competition selection committee, signed off by Prime Minister Balendra Shah. Tribhuvan University gets Bhola Thapa, while other professors—Devendra Adhikari, Sujanbabu Marahatta, Kisandatta Bhatta, Rajan Suwal, Shyam Narayan Labh, and Rishi Ram Kattel—were scattered across Pokhara, Purbanchal, Far-Western, Mid-Western, Rajarshi Janak, and Agriculture & Forestry universities respectively.

It is genuinely heartwarming to see academia pretending meritocracy works, even if we all know political favoritism usually holds the real remote control. Hopefully, these bright minds can teach our universities how to graduate students before they retire of old age.

2. High Court Tells Sports Council: "Let ANFA Officials Travel and Waste Money in Peace"
The Patan High Court issued an interim order explicitly telling authorities not to block All Nepal Football Association (ANFA) officials from their sacred duty of going on foreign junkets. Following a writ by Pankaj Bikram Nembang, Judges Ganesh Prasad Baral and Tejendra Prasad Sharma Sapkota saved the day by reminding everyone that ANFA's National Sports Council suspension from late 2082 was lifted in Jestha 2083, so their passports are valid again.

It is a massive relief to know that while our actual football team struggles on the pitch, our sports bureaucrats won't have to suffer the unimaginable tragedy of missing a free international flight. Let’s hold onto the hope that one day, all this frequent flyer mileage will magically transform into a single, properly inflated football for the national team.

3. Monsoon Rain Saves Farmers, Giving Mother Nature a Promotion Over the Ministry of Agriculture
The monsoon is officially hyperactive, forcing farmers into the mud for rice planting while meteorologists promise another glorious week of torrential downpours. The National Agricultural Environment Research Center, alongside the Department of Hydrology and Meteorology, released a bulletin predicting moderate rain across the hills and plains, with localized heavy flooding in Koshi, Bagmati, and Gandaki provinces.

It is incredibly reassuring that when our government fails to provide timely fertilizer year after year, heaven steps up to provide the water at least. We can only pray that our farmers survive the upcoming landslides long enough to actually harvest the rice they are currently drowning in.

4. Constitutional Council Replaces Empty Chairs with Shiny New Election Commissioners
The Constitutional Council finally woke up and recommended Man Bahadur Karki (Supreme Court Registrar) as the Chief Election Commissioner, alongside Dr. Rajiv Subba (former Police DIG) and Guru Wagle (former judicial staff) as Commissioners. Because nothing screams "fair democratic elections" louder than handing the keys to an ex-cop and a room full of bureaucratic insiders who know exactly where the bodies are buried.

The positions were desperately vacant, probably because finding people willing to babysit Nepal's political parties is a punishment worse than prison. Still, there’s a flicker of hope that this trio might actually count the next ballot papers correctly instead of just treating them as origami paper.

5. Roll Call of the Brave: 19 Injured in Baitadi Bus Crash
A passenger bus traveling from Dhangadhi to Baitadi plunged off the road in Patan Municipality-8, Gairakhan, leaving 19 people injured, with the severely mangled ones rushed to Dadeldhura Hospital. The roll call of survivors includes local celebrities like Janak Prasad Panta, 11-year-old Siddhartha Bhandari, driver Dinesh Bhat, and healthcare workers Ratna Kumari Bhandari and Anugara Thagunna.

In Nepal, surviving a long-distance bus ride without falling off a cliff is statistically more impressive than winning the lottery. We deeply hope for their swift recovery, and that they use their second lease on life to never, ever board a public bus on a highway again.

6. Supreme Court Decides True Seniority Begins at Conception (Or at Least, the Appointment Date)
The Supreme Court fixed a chaotic legal loophole by ruling that government employee seniority for promotions must be calculated from the exact date of their initial appointment, not the day they actually bothered to show up and punch the clock at the office. This landmark decision from a full bench was required because different court departments kept contradicting each other, much like a group of toddlers arguing over a toy.

Now, bureaucrats can efficiently calculate exactly how many years they've been paid to read newspapers and drink tea without doing any actual work. Optimists believe this might inspire civil servants to do their jobs, but realistically, it just means they get to be lazy with historical precision.

7. UML Discovers the Shocking Truth: "The Current Government is Bad at Its Job!"
The CPN (UML) released a scathing 6-point review titled "Government's Promises and Reality," concluding with absolute shock that Prime Minister Balendra Shah's administration is weak, immature, and drowning in controversy. General Secretary Shankar Pokharel publicly alleged that the PM’s private secretariat is basically a drive-thru window for economic corruption and cheap publicity stunts.

It takes a breathtaking amount of audacity for a rival political party to act shocked by corruption, considering they practically co-authored the textbook on it. The beautiful silver lining here is that if political parties keep fighting each other this viciously, they might accidentally slip up and do something good for the country just to spite each other.

8. Health Insurance Board Asks Hypochondriacs to Please Stop Demanding Free Whole-Body Scans
The Health Insurance Board issued a desperate press release begging insured citizens to stop demanding unnecessary medical tests and pleading with doctors to stop yielding to patient pressure for extra treatments. Apparently, the concept of "insurance" was interpreted by the public as an all-you-can-eat buffet of X-rays and MRI scans just for a mild headache.

It turns out that a collapsing healthcare system can't actually fund a nation of people who want a full body checkup every time they sneeze. We can only hope patients learn the difference between a hospital and a spa before the entire insurance fund goes entirely bankrupt.

9. Bird Flu Farmers Get a 500 Million Rupee Consolation Prize
The Ministry of Agriculture, Forestry, and Environment has officially released 500 million rupees to the Department of Livestock Services to compensate farmers across 11 districts whose birds, eggs, and feed were incinerated due to Bird Flu. It is comforting to know that your government will happily watch your business burn to the ground, but will eventually mail you a check a few fiscal years later to apologize for the smoke.

This massive payout is the ultimate proof that in Nepal, dead chickens are significantly more lucrative and valued by the state than living citizens. Let’s hope the farmers use this money to buy actual livestock this time, or perhaps invest in something less prone to spontaneous mass-extinction.
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Sita Rana
Chief Sunrise Satirist

Sita distills the daily chaos into nine bite-sized jokes so you can digest the news before your tea gets cold or the Kathmandu smog makes it impossible to see the paper.