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Ghamad_fromdcops
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 jOKES FOR TODAY!
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Posted on 05-14-07 3:22 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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1.Customer:: "Do I need a computer to use your software?" Tech Support:: ?!%#$ ------------------------------------------------------------- 2.Tech Support:: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?" Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3.Tech Support:: "What does the screen say now?" Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'." Tech Support:: "Well?" Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?" ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- 4.customer care officer:I need a product identification no: right now and may I help u in finding it out? Cust: sure CCO: could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'? Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- !!!!!!!!PEACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Posted on 05-14-07 5:47 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady`s teeth. He noticed that she was a little nervous, so he began to tell her a story as he was putting on his surgical gloves... "Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?" She said, "No?" "Well", he spoofed, "down in Mexico they have this big building set up with a large tank of latex, and the workers are all picked according to hand size. Each individual walks up to the tank, dips their hands in, and then walk around for a bit while the latex sets up and dries right onto their hands! Then they peel off the gloves and throw them into the big `Finished Goods Crate` and start the process all over again." And she didn`t laugh a bit!!! Five minutes later, during the procedure, he had to stop cleaning her teeth because she burst out laughing. The old woman blushed and exclaimed, "I just suddenly thought about how they must make condoms!"
 
Posted on 05-14-07 6:08 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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An office manager arrives at his department and sees an employee sitting behind his desk, totally stressed out. He gives him the advice: "I went home every afternoon for two weeks and had myself pampered by my wife. It was fantastic, and it really helped; you should try it too!". Two weeks later, when the manager arrives at his department, he sees the man happy and full of energy at his desk. The faxes are piling up, and the computer is running at full speed. "I see you followed my advice"."I did", answers the employee. "It was great! By the way I didn't know you had such a nice house!".
 
Posted on 05-14-07 6:32 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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A lady consulted a Doctor saying she is feeling very weak.after examination the Doctor said there is nothing to be worried about, take three meals a day and come after 3 days. She returned after 3 days saying she is weaker than the previous visit. On asking weather she took 3 meals a day she said she took 3 males a day.
 
Posted on 05-14-07 9:09 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Senior Sex!!! An older couple goes to the Doctor. He asks the husband if sex is still good, and if he has any questions. "In fact, I do," said the old man: "After having sex with my wife I am usually hot and sweaty, and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I am usually cold and chilly" Surprised that he can still do it twice, the Doc then sees the wife. After examining the elderly lady, the doctor said: "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?" The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns The doctor then said to her: "Your husband has an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex with you the first time, and then cold and chilly after the second time. Do you know why?" "Crazy bastard," she replied "That's because the first time is usually in July and the second time is in December!"
 
Posted on 05-15-07 4:19 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Posted on 05-15-07 10:24 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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that's good man!
 
Posted on 05-16-07 2:54 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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This Senior Sex jock is the good one.
 
Posted on 05-16-07 3:09 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Bob walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10:00 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump. The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?" Bob says, "You know, I bet he'll jump." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!" Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob, saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money." Bob replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news and so I knew he would jump." The blonde replied, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again." Bob took the money.
 
Posted on 05-16-07 3:16 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Udhistir( of mahabharat) told his brother that he was going outside for few days. So nobody dare to touch draupadhi untill he returns so he fitted a cutting machine in her Pu....when he came back he saw Bhim, Arjun and Sahadev with their fingure cut, But Nakul was silent and looked innocent. Udhistir told other brothers that look our Nakur is so obidient and you guys should learn from him, right Nakul? Nakul was still silent. After few minutes Udhistir discoverd that Nakul had lost his toung.
 
Posted on 05-16-07 3:58 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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man, that is supposed to be Gyane going for visit and all the ministers having their fingers cut except girija.
 
Posted on 05-16-07 4:38 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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----------------------------------------------------------------- A Sardar had called an Englishman for lunch. There was curd on the table. The guest asked what is this? The Sardar didn't know English, he said "Milk sleeping in night, morning becomes tight" ------------------------------------------------------------------- Once a sardarji tries to cheat the Indian railways. He is thinking for a novel idea. He thinks a lot and finally he did one thing, he bought the ticket and didn't travel. ------------------------------------------------------------------- A sardar was drawing money from ATM. The sardar behind him in the line said, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! I've seen ur password. Its 4 asterisks(****). The first sardar replies, " Ha! Ha! Haaa! U r wrong. Its 1258." ------------------------------------------------------------------ What is the height of stupidity? * 2 sardarjies sitting on a motorcycle & fighting for a window seat ------------------------------------------------------------------ *Did you hear about the sardarji who is so rich he has two swimming pools,one of which is always empty? It's for the people who can't swim! ------------------------------------------------------------------ Santa Singh: Will this bus take me to Jalandhar? Driver: Which part? Santa Singh: All of me, of course! ------------------------------------------------------------------ What do you call a Sardarji in a deep well? A deep thinker. ------------------------------------------------------------------ Sardarji calls Air India. 'How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?' 'Just a sec,' says the customer service assistant. 'Thank you.' says the Sardarji and hangs up. ------------------------------------------------------------------ Santa Singh goes to a TV shop and asks, 'Aap ke paas color TV hai kya?' 'Haan' replies shopowner. Santa Singh says, 'Ek hara vala dena!' ------------------------------------------------------------------ Banta Singh happened to be in a queue at a railway station ticket counter with two men ahead of him. Ek 'Punjab Mail' dena.' demanded the man in front. He was given a ticket. 'Ek Punjab Mail dena.' the second man asked and was handed a ticket. Then came the turn of Banta Singh, 'Ek Punjab female dena!' 'What do u mean by Punjab female?' asked the clerk. 'It is for my wife' replied Banta Singh. ------------------------------------------------------------------ Help.... The Titanic is going to be drowned....Everybody in the ship is shouting, crying, running or praying to God... Just then an Italian asks the nearby Sardarji in the ship. Italian : How far is land, from here ? Sardarji : Two miles. Italian : Only two miles, Then why are these fools making noise. The Italian dives into the sea and comes back later to ask something again. Italian : Just tell me which side, is land two miles from here ? Sardarji : Downwards...... ------------------------------------------------------------------ Sardar as the Railway Driver One train which was going peacefully on the rail-tracks suddenly deviated from the tracks and went to the fields nearby and then came back on the tracks. The passengers were horrified. On the next Railway station the driver was caught : He was found to be a Sardar . He was questioned . He explained that there was a man standing on the tracks and he was not moving from there even after lots of honks etc . Then authorities questioned : Sardarji are you mad! just to save life of one person you put life of so many passengers under danger.You should have overran that person . Sardar said : Exactly, that is what i also decided, but this idiot started running towards the field when the train came very close.............
 
Posted on 05-16-07 7:34 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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hey post some more jokes
 
Posted on 05-17-07 4:47 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Having a baby in your old age Now here's a thought for anyone contemplating motherhood at a certain time of life: Having a baby at 65 With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65 year old woman was able to give birth to a baby. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit. "May we see the new baby?" one asked. "Not yet," said the mother. "I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first." Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked, "May we see the new baby now?" "No, not yet," said the mother. After another few minutes had elapsed, they asked again, "May we see the baby now?" "No, not yet," replied the mother. Growing very impatient, they asked, "Well, when can we see the baby?" "WHEN HE CRIES!" she told them. "WHEN HE CRIES?" they demanded to know why. "Why do we have to wait until he CRIES?" "BECAUSE, I forgot where I put him."
 
Posted on 05-17-07 4:52 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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A body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says, "What a great chest you have."He tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, baby." He takes off his pants and the blonde says, "What massive calves you have."The body builder tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, baby." He then removes his underwear and the blonde goes running out of the apartment screaming in fear. The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that. The blonde replies, "I was afraid to be around all that dynamite when I saw how short the fuse was!"
 
Posted on 05-17-07 7:08 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Posted on 05-17-07 7:24 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center. Man, "What are you doing here today?" Woman, "Oh, I'm here to donate some blood. They're going to give me 500 bucks for it." Man, "Hmm, that's interesting. I'm here to donate sperms, and they are going to pay me 2500." The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways. Several months later, the same man and woman meet again in the donation center. Man, "Oh, hi there! Here to donate blood again?" Woman: [Shaking her head with mouth closed] "Unnh hunhh."
 


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