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 Amby Writes:- I am a Racist with no regret

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Posted on 11-29-16 10:40 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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First let me say hats off to all of you, who are reading this while working for white folks around the world.

I believe, I have never been a racist.I have never called a dark person Haku or Kallu or Madeshi, neither have I called a “Gorey Nepali” Khairey or American. I just feel there is no need to do that. But I feel unknowingly we become one at times. Specially if you are pushed to a corner and someone tries to choke you.

In last 2 months I have 2 such very strong encounters with some white people, living in Nepal, Kathmandu to be more precise that has been quite an experience to mention.

The first encounter:-

Right before Dashain, mum and I were doing some grocery shopping in Bhatbhateni supermarket (We are so TNMC....oh u dont know???.....it is Typical Nepali Middle Class....we were trying to get some bargain and super deals for the festive season). When we were trying to cash out our stuff, I saw a very old friend in a distance. I asked mum to do the cashing out, and meet me in the parking lot. I meet my friend, talk to her for couple of minutes and from a distance I see my dearest mum walking towards me, with a smirk on her face and anger in her eyes. Trust me there is a story I NEED TO KNOW.

So I asked, k bho? Kina yesto madhurmuskan? Super discount diyo ki k?

She very patiently replied, “ Hoina! Mero pacchadi euta khairini thee, mero duita haath le bhyainabhai samaan halda ni, “hey lady, can you do it faster, we dont have the whole day here to laze around” bhanera rudely bhanni. As if she is paying for my stuff and doing me a favor coming to my country. Maile ni bhasa nabujheko jasto garera aafnai taal ma cash out garey. Sorry this is my country and I dont tolerate disrespect from a white trash”.

I looked at mum and said wow. What a presence of mind. But then it chimed in my head that I should go back and ask this WHITE WOMAN to apologize to my mum. Mum asked me to let go and we should get back home. So I let go.

The second encounter:-

In the same week, a German lady whom I know for almost 5 years has approached me, asking for help, to get her some samples ready.She is not a friend but I know her well enough to do business with. I wont get into the detail of what but she wanted some Nepali handmade stuff. So I said oh ok I can help you out. I asked her for a week since I had to do my search and research and get her the stuff. After 10 days I get her a sample ready and gave her an amazing price. She wanted 3-4 changes in the sample and asked me to redo it. Unfortunately she was travelling for a month, so she asked me to send her a picture of the products. I was cool with it.

Next I send her pictures after Dashain and she still got issues. She demands to halt till she comes back. I was cool...no problem.She comes back, I show her a new sample, she was happy, she orders. I ask the manufacturer to go into production. (Please mind that I have not mentioned about any payments yet). I told her specifically that the factory will be closed for the festival and I will only be able to provide the order after 7-8 days after Tihar. She was OK with it.

Right next day of Bhaitika, I get a text from her saying what happened to the orders. I was confused, what have I commited, go back to my inbox, check my email and see that I have asked for time. And here she is texting me right next day. Like seriously lady, dont you have a life? I very nicely replied saying factory is closed till Chaat festival and workers will come only the next day. She very rudely asked me to stick to the time frame that we have agreed upon. I was like, what the eff..... I still got 10 more days and here she is already threatening me. She even asked me to ask the workers to come early. Hell I am not going to ruin someone's festival for this one person. HELL NO.

Chaat was over, I went into production and 2 days before my deadline I got her the stuff. I have time and again reminded her that handmade stuff are never perfect. Every piece will be slightly different from one another ( I had few issues already with few other foreigners, so was constantly reminded her). Now, her demand changed and she asked me to change more of it. It was getting not only into my nerves but into my pocket too. Now she had to travel again.I asked her to send me some emails for documentations regarding confirmation of the orders and prices. She never send me those emails.

I went back did exact changes she asked for and on last Thursday got it back to her. OMFG! I have never met such unhappy dissatisfied person who suck the life outta others in my whole life. She was unhappy with her own changes but blames my artisans for doing that. She was rude, humiliating and immature. She asked me to do it again. I very calmly picked the stuff and informed that I will be writing to her soon. These foreigners in Nepal think that they are the boss here. They think every Nepali is an illeterate villager. They think they can slave out cheap labour and buy their lavish life.So I just thought I will break the bubble for atleast one.

I wrote her an email, very nicely, telling her that she needs to go fuck herself. That doing business is always give and take. If she is giving me business, I am giving her product that she can sell and buy herself a decent meal while in Nepal. In our last meeting, she questioned my communication skills, so I wrote her such an email, that she might need to go back to school to learn English.

Since I have assure her that this product will not hit the local market, now I am bearing a loss. But it is worth than to compromise to your Esteem and dignity, and respect for the work you do. I had to take a stand for people who were working for me. She was humiliating these people, who had worked day and night to finish her orders.

I am writing this because I see a lot of us Nepalis, boot licking these whites who live here in Nepal. We dont need to do that. Honestly, now what I feel is, these foreigners come here and live, not coz they like the place, but it is cost effective, they get an upperhand being white, they can do a lot of trash that they cant do back in their countries and the most important is, they are immigrants in our country. They are second class citizen here. We give them space in our homes and hearts, and if they start scratching, well we believe in pest control.

I might sound rude and mean here but truth is to be told. Now I am a racist. I called the German lady Nazi and the other foreigner, white trash. And YES I am a brown Asian who will be a meanie to people who try to use their skin colour to control us,coming to our land.


Last edited: 29-Nov-16 11:57 AM

 
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Posted on 11-29-16 1:31 PM     [Snapshot: 289]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Amby ko lately post are getting downhill. Last time accusing this poor lady. Now accusing these foreigners for no reason. Amby seems to be in that time of month this week. LOL
 
Posted on 11-29-16 1:35 PM     [Snapshot: 276]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Amby, not all clients are created equal. Apply the 80/20 principle to time utilization: What 20% of individuals are draining 80% of your time?

Try to keep such high-maintenance clients on auto-pilot mode. Draft some new policies and send them your standardized pricing, order and return processes etc. State for those customers whose requirements are contradictory with these new strategies, you are glad to present different suppliers.

Bear in mind, without time you can't scale your company past that high-maintenance client.
But sometimes even good individuals may unknowingly exploit your valuable time.

TL;DR version: Set good standards for all involved to minimize inane communication. Fire high-maintenance customers if you have to.
 
Posted on 11-29-16 2:48 PM     [Snapshot: 359]     Reply [Subscribe]
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पैसोको लागि हो कुइरेको खुशामत गरेको | डलरमा कमाएपछि नेपाल स्वर्ग हुने नै भो तिनीहरुलाई | महिनाको ४००० कमाए ४ लाख २८ हजार प्रति महिना भएपछि सक्किगो नि | तिनीहरुले केहि दान दक्षिण देलान कि भनेर ओइरिनछन् नेपालीहरु
 
Posted on 11-29-16 3:30 PM     [Snapshot: 365]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Amby,
If you would allow me, I'll share a couple of thoughts for the unfortunate circumstances you had to go through (I empathize with you on this one).This comment also combines your other recent post about someone imitating you.

AmbrosiaC Case:
I read your post sometimes and I must say your English and writing both are superb. You can take something mundane and create a write up that captivates your readers. I commend you for that. Again apologies if my English reading is poor, but the way I read your write ups you portray other Nepalese as stupid and dumb and act like you are somehow superior to them. Even in your recent dismissal (rather sarcastic one) of AmbrosiaC, I smell a superiority complex. Am I totally off? May be.

Rude Foreign Women:
I am a huge proponent of human respect and equal treatment of all. No one should be disrespected for who they are and their behavior clearly shows they do not know the basics of such equal treatment. The business transaction case, however, sounds bit cocky while you say you are great in communication. Like someone said above, communication doesn't mean mastery of a language. I would argue that communication is more of clarity in one's thought process and how you convey it and setting the clear expectations. And it appears that you failed to do so from the get go. You sound like you understand how these foreigners think/work, so I would recommend you established a sales term paper you can hand it in the beginning of your negotiation. (Why foreigners are rude to Nepalese in general? A later discussion, may be)

I hope you take these comments in constructive way. I am a fan (silent one??) of your writing and only want you to flourish personally and literately (:)).
 
Posted on 11-29-16 3:58 PM     [Snapshot: 433]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Gandharba,
This is a big learning experience for me. I have made some mistake myself by not getting it on the papers from the start. She was smart enough not to send me certain emails from the beginning. If you know most of the business are still done on verbal communication, with trust from both parties.
Since I am still doing some changes to set up the business process and your suggestion on how to go about it is going to be handy in future responses.
Btw, this whole episode is not one day reaction. She had been constantly rude, I dont know what was in her mind, maybe intimidation to get it done her way or she is used to doing business with other Nepalis in this way and she thought she can do the same with me. In last 2 meetings she used few terms which was disrespectful to my workers and their craftmanship. She indirectly called me ignorant and doesnt have the knack for communication.
So I thought, I dont want to humiliate my team anymore that is why I was the one who said the remaining orders wont be delivered ( I am sorry I forgot to mention, on the first day of delivery, she said she is not happy with the product but took half of it......why? She still took few when i made my last delivery.....why? if it was not upto her perfection then why was she still taking the stuff? there was no obligation to do that? Any insight on this?)
 
Posted on 11-29-16 4:05 PM     [Snapshot: 446]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Nas jyu,
Deport garaune time chaina....if Karma is something she will face it.
But funny part is.....I am the one who wrote to her .....I am cancelling the remaining order.....coz I cannot live upto her impeccable perfections.
The rudeness and controlling behavior was getting way out of hands and I thought it will be a waste of my time and money to redo the whole thing.....She is not going to be happy. So she can find solace somewhere else.
It was a big deal ( financially) for me. And I badly needed it, but not on the cost of all this.
 
Posted on 11-29-16 4:11 PM     [Snapshot: 465]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Amby dear, that's the name of business. You can't make everybody happy but you don't go on public humiliating your customers. Remember they are the one who pays your bills. I am not saying that you suck up to them, but you gotta own up to your mistakes too. You should take those feedback as constructive criticism. Think positive. Remember grass is not always greener on the other side. If you can't take criticism from your customer, I guess you are in a wrong business.
 
Posted on 11-29-16 4:20 PM     [Snapshot: 455]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Altijdgoede,

Thank you so much for coming out of that shell and writing to me. Regardless of what you wrote, that you wrote is very important to me :).

I am extremely sorry if I in anyway have hurt your feelings by calling Nepalis stupid. But unfortunately we are stupid. That includes me. I am no superior to anyone plz I think you need to correct yourself on that. I am at times utterly blunt which is not accepted by a lot of people. I tell white and black. grey is not much of my favorite colour. :)
Maybe you are right, in last couple of threads I have been complaining about Nepalis being stupid. I normally share my experience here in sajha so could be that it has been like that with me. Let me read few of my last posts and get back to you on this personally.
About communication skills, to some extend I agree it was my fault that I should have made it in legal papers. Because, English has been a second language for both of us, for sometimes I took the products back and fixed it. But honestly saying, it was getting really disrespectful at the end that is why I took such drastic measures of cancelling the whole order.
Like Gwach Aquarian said, their skin tone should not be a criteria to get intimidated. I actually know few people, who are doing business with her already and they are not happy at all, but they are doing it coz "Paisa aaudaicha ni". I dont believe in doing that at the cost of your respect.
My whole point here is not my business transaction, these foreigners being really rude and dominating with us Nepalis. And who to be blamed? Us of course. Trust me, there are hundred of instances I have gone through where I have seen boot licking. Just one example is, restaurants in thamel. ( Another topic for a new thread :P)
Thank you for commenting....good bad ugly......but please do not label me as superior to anyone. I am learning and trying to maybe vent out my frustration in sajha at times :).

 
Posted on 11-29-16 4:28 PM     [Snapshot: 480]     Reply [Subscribe]
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nayapidi,
I totally agree with you that in business you cant make everyone happy. A customer is not always happy customer and Customer is never yours. That is why I took the learning experience and moved on. Next time I will be more careful on my legalities.
But here in this thread, maybe I am not been able to express myself, but the issue is not business. It is how these foreigners are behaving, living in Nepal. I am sure if you were in my place, your constructive mind would take a backseat with the tonality she was talking with. I was tolerant for almost 2 months coz yes I understand she is giving me business,but what ticked me off was she saying something about my workers. She pulled it too far.
The other woman, who misbehaved with my mum, I dont think you would have said let it be. You would have felt angry....or would you have not?
 
Posted on 11-29-16 6:20 PM     [Snapshot: 557]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Amby,
I suggest that you read/ view youtube videos on differences between 'High Context' vs "low Context" societies.
I would love to see you change your generalization of whole race based on your experience.
Germany and west in general is a low context society and as someone who grew in high context society, her action might come as offensive to you.
If you can understand this difference and try to understand where she comes from, it might help you communicate slightly better.
As a business owner, I believe, it is your obligation to your business to understand the customer and try to gain more of them.

 
Posted on 11-30-16 7:12 AM     [Snapshot: 771]     Reply [Subscribe]
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I guess this post is supposed to be rant. It really has nothing to do with race, except for expressing your anger towards one difficult customer.

Take this as lesson but this could very well be any one, nepalese or foreigner. You will soon find out that not every customer is worth your time and effort.

Honestly there is no need to interject race here. Since this seems like new venture, you should learn to accept that you have certain boundaries and you won't let customer walk all over you. That can be both foreign and domestic.

Instead of german lady, replace with any "nationality" and re read your post. You might find it silly.


 
Posted on 11-30-16 9:22 AM     [Snapshot: 838]     Reply [Subscribe]
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बासुदेबको कुरा सत् प्रतिसत! त्यो जर्मनको सट्टा नेपाली नै भए पनि हामब्रोजियाको कन्सिरी उत्ति नै तात्थियो भन्ने यो खातेलाई लागेको छ |
 
Posted on 11-30-16 10:52 AM     [Snapshot: 883]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Ambrosia- we should look on case by case basis. There are also lot of western people doing very commendable work in Nepal. Have you heard of a story of a Dutch Doctor Lady who volunteered in the remote village of Nepal for several months or years? She was a single doctor in that village. Not a single Nepali doctor worked there. You may have also heard of a white lady who rescued the blind child from Bal Madhir who was repeatedly raped by the Sanchalak of Bal Mandhir. What about Maggie Doyne who founded Kopila Valley in Surkhet? These stories go on and on.

We are all human beings. Some are good, some are bad. Color of the skin does not reflect their character. These kind of posts do not suit you.
Last edited: 30-Nov-16 10:54 AM
Last edited: 30-Nov-16 10:56 AM

 
Posted on 11-30-16 11:04 AM     [Snapshot: 893]     Reply [Subscribe]
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kudos to you, felt nice reading it. I suppose most Nepalese are readily willing to break their back while bending to WHITE foreigners.
 
Posted on 12-01-16 1:04 PM     [Snapshot: 1077]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Ustad amir khan,
Firstly.... I dont think I write any thread, taking the suiting factor into consideration. I am sorry if I have disappointed you.
Secondly, I am not doubting each and every foreigner to be a con or a hitler. That is why i precisely said Kathmandu coz I have noticed it in here. An expat working in a well reputed INGO once told me that, he can have luxury on a king by spending 2000$ in Nepal. He can live in a bungalow, have helpers, driver, cook in all that. If he goes back to his country 2000$ is just his rent for a month. So He rather lives here. When he retires in 5-7 yrs he wants to open a bar in downtown (not gonna mention the city) so its easy money out here... Smart eh?
 
Posted on 12-01-16 1:33 PM     [Snapshot: 1109]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Amby, the bar dood.what kinda visa is that greedy biaatch gonna get?
 
Posted on 12-13-16 9:33 AM     [Snapshot: 1385]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Ambrosia you have a lot of anger within you. Take a deep breath sometimes when things don't go as you want it.
 
Posted on 12-21-16 9:29 AM     [Snapshot: 1677]     Reply [Subscribe]
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With all these "constructive" criticism going on here, I think Ambrosia might have left Sajha for good :( . I am sure she was expecting a lot of support on this post from fellow sajha members who have been reading her posts for few years now - some of which are pretty good I must say. However that did not happen here. I sometimes like this about Sajha. Although there are a lot of trolls here (including me as you can tell from my username which I had to create after Ambrosia complaint about AmbrosiaC suggesting AmbrosiaC stole her name), there are some thoughtful people who do make pretty good points. Keep up the good work you dying breeds of Sajha - sajha needs more of you.
Last edited: 21-Dec-16 09:34 AM

 
Posted on 12-21-16 10:30 AM     [Snapshot: 1728]     Reply [Subscribe]
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खाते नेपालीहरु कुहिरेहरुले केहि देलाकी भनेर उनीहरुको चाकडी गर्दै बस्छन त्येही भएर उनीहरुले मान्छे नगनेको हो | कुहिरेले दिने चै केहि होइन | कुक्कुरले हड्डी देला की भनेर चक्कर काट्दै बसेको जस्तो mentality राखेर पनि respect पाईन्छ र?
 
Posted on 12-21-16 2:55 PM     [Snapshot: 1813]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Amy without C or D is a spoiled brat
 



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