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 A question for Nepali in inter-cultural marriage
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Posted on 10-19-17 10:16 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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It's something on my mind lately & would like to hear some perspective on this matter. What are your thoughts or experience has been in inter-cultural/faith marriage? When I think about it I feel it's great until children come in the picture & then differences kicks in such as which religion/culture do you want to raise the children’s, language, rituals etc. Especially kids will never be able to build a connection with their Nepali grandparents due to language barrier. In case of marrying a white, her parents will be able to communicate with kids, they will go to their "mamaghar" more, play with their cousins etc and naturally will develop lot deeper emotional connection with everyone from Mothers side and Nepali extended family will be like strangers to them. Also, since they will grow up in US, 99.9% they will marry someone from here & basically our whole Nepali generation/culture ends here as they will always feel more American and only speak English. I know there is no guarantee in life, we all are humans & even with Nepali wife things can go south but at the same time it's a long life so I feel it’s something to think about.
For people who have been married to foreign spouse doesn't these things worry you especially your parents will not able to communicate with your wife or kids(assuming most Nepali parents don't speak English) & whole idea of passing down your culture/beliefs to offspring’s ends & for guys only last name will carry on but without any connection towards Nepali culture.
Am I overthinking this whole situation? It's just a genuine question that I am struggling with to come to terms with.

 
Posted on 10-19-17 11:16 PM     [Snapshot: 32]     Reply [Subscribe]
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If Nepali culture is so important to you, you shouldn't be raising your kids in the United States. Children who are raised here will obviously be influenced by US culture no matter how hard you try to saturate their mind with Nepali stuff.

And, what is there to be proud of Nepali culture anyway? We are one of the poorest nations, we are corrupt as hell, Kathmandu has become a pit hole with dirt and garbage everywhere, we value nepotism rather than merits, there is hardcore caste system based on birth.
 
Posted on 10-20-17 5:38 PM     [Snapshot: 331]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Ujl I think you misunderstood my question. I am not saying raising kids is US is a bad thing or the culture here is bad. If they grow up here then definitely they will soak up the culture/tradition here which is ok. What I am saying is carrying on tradition, language & connection to our families. As most of us have seen many Indians, Asians & Hispanics who were born and raised here are equally involved in their own tradition/cultures, bilingual & also identify themselves as Americans. I don't think you have to fully disavow one culture and adopt another. There is always a chance in future our kids might marry someone from here but if we can communicate with in-laws i don't think there going to be a big issue there as you can develop a connection via communication. This is what I am asking for first generation Nepali here in USA since most of our parents don't speak English.
 
Posted on 10-20-17 6:49 PM     [Snapshot: 372]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Mitra:
I believe that it all depends. Some of the intercultural marriages get so better that it totally ends up with the understanding and flexibility of husband and wife. American wife for instance can learn nepali language(IT is possible) and they can also do whatever you tell them. I would say it all ends up in mutual understanding.
I have seen nepali bride and groom married and have also seen lot of people getting divorced but again, it all depends on mutual understanding of both.
If you really like the girl, you should better care less for traditions as you can have her shape to some extent.
 
Posted on 10-20-17 9:10 PM     [Snapshot: 425]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Every immigrant parents come up with these same tired ass ideas. These Canadian Youtubers explain them very well.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ne0CC0eEr7M

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FsRSZRvk6Tg

 
Posted on 10-21-17 11:01 AM     [Snapshot: 643]     Reply [Subscribe]
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anroid... I understand what you are trying to say. I second that this is an issue for 1st generation Nepalese since language is key to understand the sentiments of a culture. However, with early involvement in Nepalese society, for example, going to Nepali cultural party, involving in Dashain Tihar party, or visiting Nepal often can mitigate your problem. This requires guidance from parents in much part because parents are the role model. If they see their mummi or grand parents doing Laxmi puja from an early age, it creates an impression in their mind. Early childhood impressions are very powerful. Teaching them Nepali language from an early age at home can remedy your problem to a certain degree. Your spouse should also have liking towards Nepali culture and traditions and willing to learn new things. Women highly influenced their kids. This is a complex socio-economic-political situation where a balance has to be created; otherwise, you may not get what you desired. My humble recommendation is: Don't overthink this whole situation. Try your best to be a role model - Action speaks louder than words. And most importantly, try to be content with whatever time reveals to you. As lord Krishna in Bhagavad Geeta said: कर्मण्येवाधिकारस्ते मा फलेषु कदाचन। You do your karma, don't worry about fruits or the results of your action.
Contentment with what you have or what you don't have is the supreme goal to be to be happy. There are many traditions out there, don't get too attached with one particular tradition: Attachment leads to sorrow. Live here playfully.
 
Posted on 10-21-17 6:47 PM     [Snapshot: 799]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Please stop being helicopter parents, kids will eventually figure it out on their own.



helicopter parent
noun
informal
plural noun: helicopter parents
  1. a parent who takes an overprotective or excessive interest in the life of their child or children.
    "some college officials see all this as the behavior of an overindulged generation, raised by helicopter parents and lacking in resilience"
Origin -
1980s: from the notion of the parent ‘hovering like a helicopter’ over the child or children.

 
Posted on 10-23-17 9:48 AM     [Snapshot: 1120]     Reply [Subscribe]
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all three of us siblings are "inter". My sister and i are inte- rac marriage and my bro is inter-cult marriage. good thing about us is that our dad always raised us to be open and practical. so our parents are always involved in every special event from all four "backgroud". my wife is from south america, my bro-in-law is from the carib-island, and my sis-in law is from nepal.
every special event/occasion are so much fun and a really good learning experience for all of us. We do feel some bad talks from the nepali community but they are from the older generation and my wife feels the same way from her side...all coming from the older generation.

Someone brought up the indian culture n how they are able to retain that. i think its because they have a bigger influence among the brown asian.

Long story short - you can raise your kids with all the intention of keeping the culture....but with each generation, the nepali culture will be more and more diluted and become more and more american. Just accept it, embrace it, and enjoy the time with the kids and know that your kids are more open and knowledgeable about world than most.
 
Posted on 10-23-17 10:31 AM     [Snapshot: 1147]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Nepali culture is diluted in Nepal too by too much Indian influence . I personally don't mind that. however, why is it okay to be influenced by Indians but not Americans? Do only Indians have some kind of exclusive right granted to doggie out our culture ?
 
Posted on 10-24-17 3:44 PM     [Snapshot: 1458]     Reply [Subscribe]
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All your future generations will become white or black eventually

Nepali marries a white person-- Kids come out white and identify as white.
Nepali marries black same thing.
For most of you that have kids here, this will happen in your lifetime.

 
Posted on 10-28-17 8:40 PM     [Snapshot: 1956]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Thanks everyone here
 


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