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 GOING THRU SURVIVORS GUILT AFTER COMING BACK FROM NEPAL

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Posted on 10-08-11 9:05 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Once every couple of years I look forward to going to nepal. I buy tickets with hard earned and saved money, buy gifts for my relatives with so much passion...I land in Tribhuvan International Airport...Then reality sets in. As soon as I enter kathmandu, I cannot wait to come back. Depression, sadness and empathy. I feel terrible for the people I left behind. I feel guilty of having excess stuff, more than I could ever need or use in USA. I visit relatives, just to hear how backwards nepal has gone. How miserable their life is.

Travel in Bus, Micro, etc....same conversation starts...Just the look of the city which I adored has been diminished to chaos. Come back to USA then you cant stop thinking about how lucky you are, how previledged you are to be here.

Has anyone else gone thru the same thing??


 
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Posted on 10-08-11 12:08 PM     [Snapshot: 274]     Reply [Subscribe]
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 Jantare, you could say the same about our parents and older folks who moved to Kathmandu. I mean, they moved from villages to Kathmandu, and didn't think moving back to villages was a good option. Wouldn't say they were "spoiled". 

Its a human nature that once you make a progress, you don't wish to go back. When you have a bicycle, you might be content with it but once you start riding a car, would you be happy with a motorbike? Once you live in a mansion, would you like to live in apartments? 

Same thing with us, I believe. 

 
Posted on 10-08-11 12:34 PM     [Snapshot: 287]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Pixie: Let me tell ya something first before i talk, you are SUCH a materialistic person. If you are a GIRL, then i guess it's normal because i have seen majority of girls turned into materialistic bi$ches. No offense to you.


Reading through your experience, i can assure  that you were expecting same customer service and politeness like U.S in Nepal which is definitely impossible because you can't compare the most developed country in the world to the least developed country in the world. Nepal can't be US and US can't be Nepal. Period. Let's hope it stays the same culturally atleast.


Furthermore,  i hate the sentence  you said with passion " I buy tickets with hard earned and saved money, buy gifts for my relatives with so much passion...I land in Tribhuvan International Airport...Then reality sets in"
Yes the reality sets in but that's where you were born and how you were raised. Atleast respect where you came from and what your ancestors taught you. Don't try to be "Wannabe" American because you will never be called "American". Period.


Nowadays, i am very keen in watching foreign movies just to learn their culture and history. Having watched lot of movies specifically Chinese movies, i learned that China had the most difficult period in the entire history of the world. They suffered civil wars among seven states. Invasion from Japan and even from British has made them so poor that they were living off streets. Poverty was so high that they had no other option than eating anything they could get just like ants, spiders, dogs etc which followed from generation to generation. Now the question is, Why did China become the great economical power next to US?  It's not because US opened lot of industries, it's because Chinese people love their country so much that they would die for it.

For instance, as we all know Bruce lee, a legend was born in San Francisco, CA. But he always felt more Chinese than American. Hence he went to Hongkong, made chinese movies and made it reknowned worldwide. If you watch lot of films,  you can watch him resist again other foreign powers. Similiar goes to Jackie Chan, Jet lee etc who love their country and could die for it.

Last but not least, instead of blaming politicians of Nepal, the responsiblity to develop Nepal falls upon yourself. If you can't contribute, please don't speak against the country where you were raised and the country who gave you the identity you are.

Peace

Sirus_Me


 
Posted on 10-08-11 1:58 PM     [Snapshot: 368]     Reply [Subscribe]
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@ sirus_me well said , this is the version of those people, so called citizens, who can not do, and do not want to do anything for their motherland. these people do not deserve to be the real citizen. these people do not have any right to blame the country too.
 
Posted on 10-08-11 2:20 PM     [Snapshot: 368]     Reply [Subscribe]
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 footyfan, my parents are  still in village and i'm not from kathmandu. my village doesn't have paved road like kathmandu does, we don't have shpooing malls, no KFCs but we have few chiya pasals, no movie theatres, no health posts, let alone hospitals. and still i can adapt in that little village surrounded by hills on all four sides when i go back.
btw, i used to have a motorbike back home before i came here. rode it all around the country, had fun riding it. here in the states, i have a bicycle which i use to get around the town. i carry my backpack when i go to grocery and stuff as much as possible inside it and ride back home with a 40 pound backpack on my back. and sometimes i do double trips if i can't fit everything in my backpack at once. do i miss riding my motorbike back home? yes i do, but i don't hate america for not making it feasible for me to have a motorbike or a car.

i live here in a heated, air conditioned apartment. when i went home, it was hot as hell because there is no A/C, the only A/C you get is the cool breeze of air. it was hard for the first few days, but i got used to it. it rained 2-3 days a week. muddy road, and riding motorbike on that road was not fun. i slipped, fell down, hurt myself a few times. and let me tell you what, i got into a pretty bad but lucky accident in kathmandu - was hit by a press van and was almost crushed. but do i hate nepal for having no A/C, muddy roads on rainy season and crazy traffic that might kill you? no, because that's ther real life out there. it may not apply to you because you are too used to american comfort but for me, i love being back home. nomatter how dirty, dusty, unmanaged, and "uncivilized(as you might say)" Nepal is, it is still the place i grew up in.

it is human nature to want and progress more. i agree with you on that. but if one seeks all the good things and tries to stay away from challenges and adversities just because he thinks it's hard and his "human nature" doesn't want him to do that, that's just rubbish.

 
Posted on 10-08-11 2:53 PM     [Snapshot: 405]     Reply [Subscribe]
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I visited Nepal in 2009. There was 20 hrs load shedding

1. If you are ready to spend 3000 $   you can have 8 cfl lamps, computer and Tv running. with solar electricity. 
2. Very big problem of water but there is a way, if you have a land  where deep boring is possible, one need to spend about 30,000$  
you will have 24 hrs running water. ( but you need to have a place where you can do deep boring.
3. These days you can arrange utilities payments through banks.
4.Bars/rsturents, hopeless I tried some of them it was bad experience. So we brothers agreed to have party every alternate day at home, chickens, khasi ko masu, chiura salad ra beer. It is possible all you want to eat fro approx 20$/person
5. You can visit local [Disallowed String for - castist reference]i resturent ( some of hem are really good) enjoy good food for 10 dollars (except beers)
6. Most important to have is relatives
7. I spent 45 days. use bike. no car. and dont use public transport from 8 am to 10 am and 4 pm till 7 pm (rush hrs) avoid that .
8. Yope, thats our country we grew up in that environment when we were kids NRN visiting us used to say that about us but we managed to excel in education able to go abroad and mark our presence. Now we are saying that to others living there. one day they will do the same. it is a cycle.
9. I enjoyed the  visit. 
 
Posted on 10-08-11 6:20 PM     [Snapshot: 573]     Reply [Subscribe]
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I prefer to go back to Nepal and Serve my own Country.
Being as a immigrant, we are always a second class person in USA, which is what i hate hate hate most most most.
In Nepal, my house has 24 hour electricity-coz generator, 24 hour cold/hot water-coz water/solar line, one bike or public transport to travel, Dad and mom, helpful relatives and friends, have a great respect from juniors. The only problem is traffic jam. I don't think there will be any problem eating at bhatti, local momo/samosa pasal, which is what i prefer most. I prefer to marry to same Nepali girl who hadn't seen "naramro- outer world".
I would setup my own business or/and work in private/government job. I don't like to work here as a lowing paying job and never.

This is my personal feeling, it varies with other person's judgement,background and circumstances.





 
Posted on 10-09-11 12:24 AM     [Snapshot: 755]     Reply [Subscribe]
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We, nepalese, are a bunch of f**king retards. None of us love our country enough to die for her or even serve her. All we know how to do is complain, complain, complain. Reality is harsh but in order to get Nepal out of the sh**hole it is in right now, everyone of us has to do something not just talk about it. The older generation has done enough talking. It is on us, the younger generation to do something and make it better. What do you guys say??

 
Posted on 10-09-11 10:08 AM     [Snapshot: 912]     Reply [Subscribe]
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i wud understand if u were born abroad but isn't that where u come frm? u go there to visit not to live so quit comparing 'n compaining...thats how people survive over there....go there to visit ur family, frens, ur loved ones...ain't that why u go there? or u just wanted to impress 'n show off?
idk about u but i saw awesome restaurants in ktm....plenty of them...'n they were clean
bars in thamel were amazing

 
Posted on 10-09-11 10:32 AM     [Snapshot: 936]     Reply [Subscribe]
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I agree with all of you. There are pros and cons of staying in America and going back to Nepal.
After staying in US for five years, I have decided that I won't return permanently at least till the situation improves back home. Life is short so we should enjoy it but staying responsible. Its nice to go back for few weeks to visit family and go for treking; that way you will not miss Nepal and yet enjoy the free life in America.
We are second class citizen here but think how this place has changed in a good way...

 
Posted on 10-09-11 11:01 AM     [Snapshot: 962]     Reply [Subscribe]
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 "I have decided that I won't return permanently at least till the situation improves back home."
Well, guess what? Nobody is going to improve situation back home. Like I said earlier in this thread and in other threads (previous threads that existed before you were born on sajha), it's you who need to learn to re-cope with the environment you left behind or work yourself to change the "situation". So called patriots and politicians have done nothing for past few decades besides talking and I don't see why I should expect them to do something good now. Everyone like you and I wants Nepal to be developed so that we can go back and live a good life like we are living here in the State but there are only a few who go back and at least try to make that happen. Are you wiling to help those who have gone back? Are you wiling to work hard back home to make Nepal prosperous like you want? I guess you are not because during your 5 years of US stay you've "enjoyed the free life in America" so much that you don't have guts to go back and face the challenges you used to have for your breakfast and dinner. And moreover, you are too happy here being "second class citizen" and enjoying "how this place has changed in a good way", arent you?
 
Posted on 10-09-11 12:25 PM     [Snapshot: 1082]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Mother Teresa once went to India and said that she saw "happy poverty" I think what she meant is that people do not have to be rich to be happy. The western style of life brings too much micro stress to daily life. Personally I am tired of this lifestyle here. I would be much happier back home. I do not want to be second class citizen here. Actually I am already planning on going back home. A few more months and off I go...Yippie !!!!

Here is a case of philippines

Despite poverty, crisis and corruption, how is it that the Philippines is still considered one of the happiest places on earth? 
 
 
 
Posted on 10-09-11 12:46 PM     [Snapshot: 1092]     Reply [Subscribe]
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 Here are a few filipino perceptions  I liked

1.  We are content with life's simple pleasures.

2. We are an optimistic lot.

3. It is our nature to be happy.

4. We are used to all sorts of crisis.

5. We are resilient and patient.

6. We face everything with a smile.

7 .Being poor can be a blessing.

8. The poor have simple needs and they are easier to please.

9. Happy go luck



In context to Nepal I agree with Jantare and anon .Its about time we face our challenges ourselves. If we don't do it then who will???   If not now when ???

Please don't be a lil sissy and whine about the country when you have decided to run away and leave the problem to someone else.


 
Posted on 10-09-11 1:01 PM     [Snapshot: 1141]     Reply [Subscribe]
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 Pixie, where had you gone? :( 
 
Posted on 10-09-11 2:52 PM     [Snapshot: 1223]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Unless we  are visionary like Steve Jobs, there is no need to no back. How is that going to help our country. Unemployment is already high. We will be taking somebodies' jobs. The U.S. military deploys thousands of troops abroad which creates jobs here in the U.S. So the logic is same.


 
Posted on 10-09-11 10:18 PM     [Snapshot: 1391]     Reply [Subscribe]
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People always say they wil go back once the situation in Nepal improves. But who is gonna improve it? Do you seriously think it will improve while we sit back here and complain? I dont think so.

 
Posted on 10-10-11 12:56 AM     [Snapshot: 1493]     Reply [Subscribe]
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 Present day Kathmandu is not the Kathmandu that I grew up. Decade long civil war is the main reason behind this mess. 
 
Posted on 10-10-11 1:59 PM     [Snapshot: 1794]     Reply [Subscribe]
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I don't really understand why people keep insisting that we all need to return back to help Nepal change. How did India change? Because all the docs, scientists and businessmen in the US and everywhere else returned back? 

What is a guy who's studied MBA from the US or done his/her CPA going to do in Nepal? Its not like whatever knowledge/education he's attained is going to bring some great changes all of a sudden. MBAs in Nepal are as talented (if not better) than the MBAs from the US. 

Nepalese who attended US Universities in 50s,60s,70s or 80s have gone back,too. Its not like Nepalese only started coming to the States in the 2000s. 

For Nepal to change and develop, the people living inside the country need to bring changes to themselves. You're living in delusion if you think Nepal will only change if we all returned back. Nepal's already changing (for some good, and many bad). Compare Kathmandu to how it was 10 years ago. 20-storeyed buildings, Apartment complexes, Malls are just some of the examples. 

I don't really understand why people launched some scathing attacks at the girl who expressed her opinion based on what she saw. You move from a jhopad patti into a concrete building and you don't like going back to the jhopad patti. It's completely natural - not an uncommon phenomenon. Of course all Nepalese born and raised in Nepal will love some aspects but why can't one view Nepal's present condition with a rationale? When you see people pissing in Central Park (Ratna Park) or taking a dump in the footpaths, what are you supposed to feel about it, having not seen such an occurrence in a number of years? 



 
Posted on 10-10-11 2:17 PM     [Snapshot: 1796]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Glad to read partiotic blogs. I am elated to know that at least 10 people from Sajha are going to return Nepal after completing their goals and Nepal is going to a better place in next 20 years. I pray with god that you stick to what you have written.
Noone can judge others based on what one decides to do with his future. Decision to stay in America is nither illegal not unethical. Its a human nature to strive for the best possible option one has on hand. I have worked hard in this country to achieve what I have today and I won't let it go.
For those who have decided to return, good luck.
 
Posted on 10-10-11 8:46 PM     [Snapshot: 1954]     Reply [Subscribe]
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पिक्सी लाइ  धन्यबाद, नेपाल भ्रमण को स्मरण ताजा गराइदेको मा तर मेरो अनुभव चाही पिक्सी को भन्दा बिल्कुल फरक रह्यो......डेढ वर्षको अमेरिका बसाइ र १२ घण्टा को हंगकंग ट्रान्जिट को एक्लो बसाइ पछि नेपाल को विमानस्थल मा ओर्लदा भल्यै त्येहा विदेश को जस्तो झिलिमिली नभए पनि स्वोदेश को न्यानो स्पर्सको मिठो अनुभुति भने सम्झनलायक थियो| जहाँ सम्म सबाल रह्यो काठमाडौँ र सम्पूर्ण नेपाल को जुन मैले जस्तो छोडेर आएको थिए करिब सबै उस्तै थिए फरक यत्ति थियो को मैले ८ कक्छ्या मा छोडेर आएको मेरो भतिज एस.एल.सी दिने भैसकेछ| महंगी अलिकति बढेको अनुभव भयो| पिक्सी ले के सोचेर गाकी थिईन/गाको थियो नेपाल तर मैले त कुनै फरक पाइन| घर का मान्छे हरु चिन्ता गर्दै थिए, धुलो धुवा मा धेरै नहिड्नु, बाहिर नखानु तर किन हो ३,४ दिनमै सबै कुरा हरु सजिलै पचे सायद बिगत नै उस्तै भएर नै होला|
 बरु मेरो गाउले भने अलिकति प्रगति गरेछ, मैले छोडेर आउदा भर्खर भर्खर बल्न सुरु गरेको बत्ति ले अब पानी पनि तान्न थालेछ त्यो पनि खुसि को कुरा हो कम से कम अब काध मा गाग्री बोकेर उकालो हिड्नु परेन| गाउ मै दुइ दुइ वटा टेलिफोन को टावर हरु आकासै छेडुला गरि उभियेछान| तेही बसेर एकछिन टोलाउन पुगेछु म त मेरी आमा ले पनि मोबाइल बाट हेल्लो भनेको कल्पना गर्दै|   
जन्तरे जी ले भनेको कुरा मा सहमति राक्छु, हाम्रो देस उस्तै छ केवल हामी मात्र परिबर्तन भाको जस्तो देखिन खोजेका होलाऊ, हुन त हामी पनि परिबर्तन त का भाको छौ र केवल हाम्रो बसाई परिबर्तन भाको त हो नि, फरक एती होला सुन्तली नानी को चिया पसल को साटो स्टारबक्स धाउने गरछौ, किर्तिपुर को तोंबा को साटो हुक्का तान्ने भका छौ, कोहि अरुण हरु एरोन भयेहोलान, कोहि श्याम हरु साम भयेहोलान तर नाउ, ठाउ जे जे चेन्ज भएनी उतै बाट बोकेर आएको आचरण त हाम्रो कहाँ चेन्ज भाको छ र? आचरण को कुरा गर्दा हाम्रो बिगत पनि केहि हदसम्म दोसी थियो कि जस्तो लाग्छ मलाई, हुन त तेती धेरै इतिहास पढेको छैन मैले| आज सम्म जति पनि आए, चाहे त्यो राजा को नाम मा होस् या विभिन्न पार्टी को नाम मा, ति सबै मा एउटा चिज चाही समान थियो जस्तो लाग्छ त्यो हो मनोवृत्ति, जनता लाइ सधै भेडा बनाएर राख्ने ता कि भोलि तिनै जनता टाठो बाठो भएर आफ्नै बिरुद्द मा नखनिउन् सायद तेसैले होला मेरा हजुरबुवा, बुवा, आमा ले धेरै पढेनन न त बिरोध नै गरे | तर अब दृष्य हरु अलि परिबर्तन हुन खोजेको हो कि भन्ने भान भयो मलाई|
साथी हरु को कुरा पढे पछि मलाई पनि सानो प्रसङ्ग यहानिर जोड्न मन लाग्यो| जिन्दगि का २४, २५ बसन्त नेपाल मै काटियो तर त्यो सम्पूर्ण बसाई मा मैले म र मेरो परिवार भन्दा बाहिर गएर सोच्न सकिन, सधै म वोरिपरी नै घुमिरहे | सधै न्युनतम आबस्यकता हरु गास, बास र कपास को जोहो गर्दै समय बित्ने हूनाले होला अरुको बारेमा सोच्न सकिन या सोच्ने तिर ध्यानै गएन, मलाई लाग्छ यो मेरो मात्रै नभई अधिकाम्स नेपाली को चित्र हो|
येसो भन्दै गर्दा म ती केहि नेपाली हरु को चित्त दुखाउन सक्दिन जो तेही हामीले थोत्रो भनेर छोडेको नेपाल मै बसेर म को घेराबन्दी बाट अलग हुदै अरु को भलाई मा अग्रसर छन्, तिनै मध्ये को एक दिलशोभा श्रेष्ठ लै येस्पली बेक्तिगत रुप मा भेट्ने मौका पनि पाए| उनि ले त मैले सोच्ने गरेको जिन्दगि को परिभाषा लाइ नै बदलिदिईन्| येस्पली को बसाइमा पक्कै केहि फरक अनुभव भने पाए मैले, रबिन्द्र मिश्र दाई को एउटा लेख मा उल्लेख भएको भ्रस्टचारी लाई किरा परोस भन्ने वाक्यांस ले सहि अर्थ मा कम से कम युवा दिमाग मा असर पार्न सुरु गरेको थियो तेतिबेला र अहिले तेस्ले एउटा अभियान नै सुरु भएको छ, यो पनि मैले अनुभव गरेको सकारात्मक पाटो थियो नेपाल बसाईको दौरान| बि. इ. पढ्दाको दौरान, केहि समय महाबिर पुन दाई संग छोटो भेटघाट भाको थियो उनै को प्रोजेक्ट को दौरान, तर पत्रिका मा पुरस्कार जितेको फोटो आएपछि पो थाहा भयो उनि तिनै महाबिर पुन दाई रहेछन जो सधै कट्टु लगाएर मैले पढ्ने कलेज मा आउने गर्थे, आज उनि पनि तेही नेपाल मै बसेर तार रहित इन्टरनेट हाइवये को सपना देख्दै छन् र यो उनको सपना चाडै पुरा होस् पनि| यहाँ यी प्रसङ्ग उल्लेख गर्न खोज्नु को मुल उदेस्य चाही म अथवा हामी भौतिक रुप मा नेपाल मा नभएर के भो त,सधै यहाँ बसेर गाली गर्नु को सट्टा कम से कम जो नेपाल मा बसेर केहि गर्न खोजेका छन् उनीहरुलाई साथ, अनि नया काम गर्ने हौसला त प्रदान गर्न सक्छौ | हामी जहाँ छौ, जसरि सक्छौ, जति सक्छौ तेती मात्र गरेपनी तेस्को प्रभाव कालान्तर मा राम्रो प्रतिफल लिएर आउन सक्छ | कम से कम येसरी तिक्तता पोख्नु को सट्टा सकारात्मक कुरा हरु को खोजि गर्दै तेस्लाई बाहिर ल्याउने कोसिश गर्ने हो भने हामीले देख्दै आएको नेपाल को दृष्य केहि भिन्न हुन सक्छ, मलाई लाग्छ हामी माझ धेरै रबिन्द्र मिश्र, महाबिर पुन हरु छन् केवल हाम्रो साथ को खोजि मा|
त्यो म नै थिए जो ढल मा लगेर फोहोर फाल्न को लागि कहिले रात पर्छ भन्दै कुर्ने अनि त्यो म नै थिए जो एक दुइ दिन फोहोर लिन नआउदा घरै अगाडी पहाड हुन लागेको फोहोर को थुप्रो मा उचाई थप्ने जब कि मैले फालेको फोहोर को गन्ध मेरै घर तिर फर्केर आउछ भन्ने पनि हेक्का नराख्ने, तर येस्पली तेसो गरिन, घर अगाडी सानो खाल्टो खन्न लगाएर पुर्न र जलाउन लगाए, बाटो मा पनि थुकिन बरु निल्नु नै उचित ठाने.....यिनै साना साना कुराहरु हुन जसले हामीले देख्न चाहेको नेपाल को तस्बिर मा रंग भर्न सक्छन| तेसैले अरु कुराहरु संग संगै म लाइ पनि परिस्कृत गर्दै लैजाने पो हो कि?
यी मेरा बेक्तिगत अनुभव हरु हुन् नेपाल को येस्पाली को बसाईका, यी अर्थ मा चाही येस्पाली केहि फरक अनुभव भयो|                

 
Posted on 10-11-11 8:06 AM     [Snapshot: 2149]     Reply [Subscribe]
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it is totally a personal choice.  Like Dr babu said it is not unethical, wrong or cowardly whatever you choose to do.  If you feel you have an obligation to serve back home then you are the right candidate.  If you worked hard here, put together your life you might has well stay here.  None of the above will make you less of a nepali so be proud of who you are live your life rightfully and happily. 
 



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