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 Very Personal Problem and warning!!

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Posted on 02-14-11 8:15 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Last edited: 19-Feb-11 02:17 PM

 
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Posted on 02-15-11 1:22 PM     [Snapshot: 1627]     Reply [Subscribe]
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You do not sound emotionally healthy. All the problems are created by your own thoughts, by your own feelings and by your own hypothesis. I did not see a single concrete proof of evidence to support your belief in your entire post.

1. She did not have bf, and she said that to you when you asked her. And you think she lied to you.
2. She watched movies and learnt the positions (it is common), and she told that to you. And you feel she is cheating you.
3. You are a US citizen and your parents used that to sell you in Nepal as the most prominent quality in you. And now you say - she married you cuz of your US citizenship.


Please, don't ruin your marriage. There is no issue at all. All those issues arose from your thoughts.

Talk to your wife - explain her your problems. She might not even be aware of what you are feeling.
Last edited: 15-Feb-11 10:54 PM

 
Posted on 02-15-11 1:38 PM     [Snapshot: 1730]     Reply [Subscribe]
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बनको बाघले भन्दा मनको बाघले खान्छ!!

Talk it out with her, you need to express your feelings/concern with your spouse!! Trust her ,will you??

 
Posted on 02-15-11 2:03 PM     [Snapshot: 1759]     Reply [Subscribe]
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this is what we call "Chauta khana gayeko budi jhool ma doobi mari". You left the perfectly fine Nepali woman (surely thinking her character will be less than of a typical girl from Nepal) and went all that way to marry someone you barely knew. This is the classic "cons" of arranged marriage. Let this be a lesson for all those who are thinking of going back to get married. Those days of "Satya Sabitri" are over. Our Nepali women have moved on with time, you'll have to accept it.
What world do u live in, what family were you brought up? Do u mind tell us your caste? I'm amazed that you were expecting a virgin. OMG. I thought it only happed in Pakistan.
Boy friend...seriously? Whether she tells you or nor, if that is the issue, then you should have never left Nepal. Go back, save your life. What happens when you have your own kid someday in the country? I bet you'll behead him/her if they turn out gay in the name of "honor killing".
I seriously don't think it will work even if he opens up to her, esp with that 12th century mentality.
Anyway...my dear fellow Nepali brother....GOOD LUCK.

 
Posted on 02-15-11 2:21 PM     [Snapshot: 1874]     Reply [Subscribe]
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patalalikopoi, you scared me. 
 
Posted on 02-15-11 7:06 PM     [Snapshot: 2153]     Reply [Subscribe]
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 Man, the easiest and must to do - show this to your wife and discuss.  it might be possible after her confession  and apology, you will feel better or give her time to get new Boy friend .
 
Posted on 02-16-11 1:46 PM     [Snapshot: 2538]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Patalikopoi,
 
Now time has changed. We all need to accept it.
 
What you think bro, lets say if you leave this girl and can find a girl better than this (virgin)?? (We need to accept there are no dream girls in reality)
 
Nobody is perfect here. 
 
Try to be happy with your current wife. Broaden your views and horizon.  Mainly, do not treat women as product of Wal-Mart like someone already said. Try to respect her and be confident.
 
What if she was your sister and married to somebody like you?
 
If I were in your shoes, it would not have bothered me if she had boyfriend in the past or had sex with him.
As long as she will not cheat you while she is married you. You should be fine.
 
Do not think about divorce. In a year or two, you will be fine.
 
Only decide about divorce if you find she is cheating you.
 
(A sathi nepal ma ta kohi keta ra keti sangai hidyo bhane , arule boyfriend bhandi halchan. Nepal ma kura katne ko ke kaami cha ra.
Nepali keti le arranged marriage garna lagda mero pahila boyfriend thiyo bhanee stithi cha?? Affai sochata.)
 
I don’t see any problem at all in your relationship.
 
Be happy and make her happy.
 
Good luck.

 
Posted on 02-16-11 4:05 PM     [Snapshot: 2703]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Last edited: 18-Mar-11 11:39 AM

 
Posted on 02-16-11 5:28 PM     [Snapshot: 2795]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Guys,
I am little bit confuse, if girl continuous denied that she did not had sex  with her bf and say she was just friend . what to do?
If she was talking about her sex life with her bf with her friend when i was accidently present. and her brother is jelouse brcause of i had done better than him. possible her bro had sex with her .  Her bro insult her infront of me , and ask her to sleep with other guy when i am out from apartment. go smoke , go eat out . spend his all money this way her brother said infront of me . what to do???
ask her  send me  jail with fake case and so on...
 
Posted on 02-16-11 6:06 PM     [Snapshot: 2850]     Reply [Subscribe]
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 Shame on u man!!
Last edited: 16-Feb-11 06:06 PM

 
Posted on 02-16-11 8:23 PM     [Snapshot: 2990]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Patali ko poi .
First of all you have to know something about yourself. You got DV which was the biggest lottery or achievement of your life. I know few DV winner, they always compare their other achievement with is DV which seems inferior. So do not compare life and wife with DV, then you can minimize or shrink your pain and escalate your happiness. Second , you told that, I either I will give her citizenship or divorce. It sound interesting, here you have to think about reality? How many people around you are living without citizenship? If she will ask you return her those day can you return her happiness to her?
 Patalai ko poi, I don’t underestimate you because you are the solo jury of your pain so you better know about what is happening inside you but  sorry to say, As a man , you just ask something from her. I know you want something return from her, as a fact, life is not to get something, give or scarify. So try to give her whatever you have , I mean misunderstanding, hate , dubious too so that you will be free from these things.
 You wrote here he knows some position, that is great she knows how to make you happy but you lean mind thought that she is not a virgin .don’t think that AJAKAL it happens .
It is serious time now that you have to talk with your wife everything she might realize her mistake if she had done before. Other wise you will be blocked by the unseen path of your life. if you want to live happily then you have to forget your past…. Dude  it is life 

 
Posted on 02-17-11 1:11 AM     [Snapshot: 3212]     Reply [Subscribe]
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first of all dude you are sick. just your wife knows how to enjoy sex doesnot make her whore. if you dont know how to relish then you are an ignorant and i think thats jelalosy thats venting out in form of your suspision.
if your wife knows sex better than you then you'r lucky. enjoy your life. atleast she is not having sex with other guy with different style


 
Posted on 02-17-11 5:56 AM     [Snapshot: 3290]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Gee people. Get off your high horses already.

Patali's husband merely asked for your input. Why's everyone ganging up on him?

You could all just be supportive and provide your feedback in a decent manner.

Patali's husband,

You're better off changing your mindset man. I moved back a couple months ago and I must tell you that Kathmandu's changed a lot in recent years. This whole ridiculous desire to find a "virgin" is bogus. Its your "fault" if you were a virgin man. Take your wife's experience as a spice that'd liven your sex life up. You probably don't even know what a decent blowjob or giving head feels like, do you? She definitely does and she's gonna demand and give it to you.

Sex is a necessity and an integral part of our lives. I don't know about you man but back in school, when my hot science teacher used to come to class, I'd spend the entire class fantasizing about having sex with her and I wasn't alone. Further, such thinking is normal. Women are human beings too. We've got testicles and a penis while they've got boobies and a vagina ( some have penises too but lets not go there ). As such, our wants, desires and fantasies are almost similar too.

In Nepalese society, we seem to be hung up on a notion that guys sleeping around is ok while girls sleeping around isn't. In truth, no matter who does it, isn't ok. A man outwhoring himself and a woman outslutting herself are bad acts, not because they slept around but because there are chances that they might follow up even after being in a committed relationship.

At least, I hope your wife didn't indulge in sexual relationships while you were in the states. I've noticed that one of the most common trends of late has been married women w/ hubbies residing outside sleeping around with other dudes. Now that's a disgraceful act that I'd condone but a girl sleeping with another guy prior to her marriage is as normal of an act as you can imagine.

So, I'd urge you to get rid of paranoia and accept your wife for who she is now, not what she is.

All that said, if I were you, I'd take her to a nice dinner, and ask her to open up and then go on from there..

Good luck man.
Last edited: 17-Feb-11 06:10 AM

 
Posted on 02-17-11 3:24 PM     [Snapshot: 3556]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Posted on 02-17-11 4:39 PM     [Snapshot: 3650]     Reply [Subscribe]
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 i think if she is cheating on u after ur marriage...then its very wrong......if she had sex on her past before she met u...i think u can forgive her....
 
Posted on 02-17-11 5:14 PM     [Snapshot: 3671]     Reply [Subscribe]
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 OMG, So this is how few of our sajha members behave huh. Why all guys are attacking him like this. It feels like nobody got chance to write on any threads from last few days and once they got it, here's the result. I bet you except for few users everybody else was cursing him for what he think of his wife. Guys he is just asking for a suggestion, Do's and Dont's and he is asking that i a nice way, but don't attack him like a 10 horny guys trying to get laid with a woman. It's his life, let him do what he wants, we have right to give him good or bad suggestion but we don't have right to say what's good and bad for him. Just give him suggestion, don't interprete it. 

I like the way Agni said, take her to the dinner and ask her to open. good luck and 

jadau. 

 
Posted on 02-18-11 11:42 AM     [Snapshot: 3864]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Every second person has similar story or what? However, the best thing is, we have to accept the truth.

I'm writing some years of my past. I'm not a victim but some around me are.

Time 1: I went to KTM from Chitwan for US process. Stayed in a "room" in a flat shared with an engineering student (say Raj) and his mom originally from a Terai district. I used to eat in my uncle's dera, few buildings away. Uncle's gharpati's daughter was "fuchhi", a good SLC student eager to go to US.

Time 2: I m in US, who cares what's going on in Nepal?! Fuchhi added me in facebook in 2007, now already finished +2, needs help about US colleges. I gave regular generic hints, as everybody else, she too came somewhere. She called once and then nothing else.

Time 3: I graduated, and got a job in another state. It happened to be in Raj's place. Raj was then a grad student with a pregnant wife. I got a few free dinners. After a few months fuchhi wrote a facebook message that she is transferring to the university near my job. She finally came but Raj and 'fuchhi' didn't seem to know each other. They are from Kathmandu where living in same neighborhood doesn't mean you know each other- I thought.

Time 4. I went to Nepal. Had to stay in my uncle's dera (fuchhi's home) in KTM for visa stamping. There I learned a story related to this thread's issue. Raj and fuchhi had an affiar. So deep that fuchhi got pregnant. Raj's mother was really caring and immediately talked to fuchhi's parent about marriage. However, because the saits were little farther, they decided to abort at that time. They aborted but Raj and his mom disappared suddenly. There were hearsays that Raj got married in Terai and went to the US with his wife - which was true.

Time 5: I came back to US. Told the whole story to my GF. That's disgusting, really isn't it?

Now, my GF wants me to never speak to Raj, but we can't ignore him, it's a small Nepali community here. Everybody (except ? Raj's wife) knows about the past but we cann't talk about it.

So, what will be the best other than just keeping things inside and to never speak about it again. Everybody has a life.

 
Posted on 02-18-11 11:50 AM     [Snapshot: 3869]     Reply [Subscribe]
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I saw some of guys are blaming girls in US in thread where we are talking about girls in Nepal. Guys using sajha deoesn't mean posting everything in everywhere.
I think some are NAYA BUHARI in sajha, so they dont have any idea on problem and post whatever they  want lol.
 
Posted on 02-18-11 5:34 PM     [Snapshot: 4082]     Reply [Subscribe]
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patalikopoi,
You are just assuming that your wife had physical affair with her bf and you are not sure about that. She could have lost her virginity while playing with machines. As long as she is committed now, I dont think you have to leave her , like the facebook user has posted below  .
Lets say you found out she had sex with her ex boyfren and you divorce her.  Have you think about what  will she  do afte that?
If she get married with some one after that,  you probably will be ashamed coz some one marries her even after knowing that she was divorced ( forget abt sex). If not, she will be devastated coz maarying again in Nepali culture is still rare and you may find yourself guilty later. 
If I were you , i wouldnot  try to raise the past issue. just dont let her do anythin stupid now.  There is one saying in nepali but I dont know exactly how it goes , but the summary is "if you are too curious, you will find terribly wrong thinng that you are not supposed to see/find". 
I understand the situation you are in is very complicated. You do not want to stay with her, but the other things around you do not let you leave her. We, as a sajha user are just giving you our opinion of what we'd have done if we were  in your place but the family/culture one was grown  makes a big difference in making decision. So analyze all the inputs from here, but dont make your decision totally based on the sajhali's input. This would be one of the very important decision of your life and if you make mistake , you can not do anything other then to repent on that. You cannot blame sajha users on that , and even if you do , that will not matter us or make any difference.
Think carefully and  make wise decision so that you dont have to regret again on your decision.

 
Posted on 02-18-11 7:44 PM     [Snapshot: 4170]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Thanks guys for all your advice, some of the comments and suggestions are what i was also thinking. My point was not just having relationship and losing virginity, my point was having an affair sexual as well as love whatever you say and trying to hide it. Keeping one person as a backup and kicking his ass when you get another probably the better. I didn't like that oppertunistic behavior.
 Knowing that you guys will say thisis america it is not a big deal i already told i am grown up in Nepal and i still belive it is not completely gone that wild. Everythingis measured by social norms, somebody who can take the risk of social norms and lies is not trustworthy, that was my real concern. And belive me the difference between your imagination and rality always hurts you. If you were clear and you accept it, it isokey this is your fault but being lied and betrayed is something you could have avoided. I caompare this to the behavior of Wolf.
Thanks any way. This is not just my problem, it happens to many nepalese but some can accept it some live hard with it and some quit the relationship. I was thinking
 
Posted on 02-19-11 4:19 AM     [Snapshot: 4348]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Go back to Nepal.
 



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